I keep trying to sit and the chair keeps running away from me
Soo I have a handle of 100 proof captain, cupcakes, and nothing to get up for in the morning.. This blizzard is shaping up to be a great night.
Have thirty minutes until my shift starts. My heart says liquor store but my future says no
I will also be strapping forties to the puppies.
thanks for paying me in special brownies...but brownies dont pay the rent...anymore.
He told everyone he was freezing their keys so they couldn't drive drunk. When I opened the freezer this morning, my keys were at the bottom of an unfrozen ice cream tub of vodka.
ATTENTION ALL CONTESTANTS OF SLUTFEST 2012 ; not only will we be judging on how many penis you have sucked but also girth and length will be calculated. If you are found lying you will be disqualified. Remember your fellow participants will be rendering the same services to probably the same people. So choose wisely and let the games begin!
If Dave says he's going to have sex with her, he's going to fuck her retarded and turn her crazy. So run.
I CAME HOME WITH MY NIPPLES PEIRCED! WE WERE CAMPING. IN THE MOUNTIANS. I DONT EVEN REMEMBER IT AT ALL.
Dude, he threw a pool chair off of an 8 story building. It was a successful night I'd say.
Hooked up with a guy solely because he had a chameleon. Priorities.
Drunk girl in a bikini just tried to bite my face, it's officially spring break
No lie. I was hooking up with a former football player at UT and mid-hookup I yelled "I'M FRATERNIZING WITH THE ENEMY"
Tequila is never to blame. We all make good choices under tequila
you know you're in deep when you watch fear and loathing in las vegas and every damn scene is relatable.
Randomize
