hey its robert, we just made out in the backyeard. i'm inside now and you should come to the bathroom and meet me.
Her life has all the ingredients for a how to book: Making Your Life an Epic Fail
we were in your room and your mom was singing twinkle twinkle little star in the hallway. so you decided to scream "twinkle? TWINKLE! What Fucking little star?!"
He's been grabbing my ass as a greeting since 2004, sex was overdue
why didn't you tell me his penis tasted like oreos?
Sorry I missed your call. Have a great morning.
That is a horrible way of saying good morning to someone. You basically reminded me that we did not hook up yesterday. It's bad enough I got to go to work all day with blue balls.
Dude I'm riding a fucking tortoise this is awesome you should come with me more often
I used my tears to chase my tequila. You could say I rallied.
He brought me four big burritos and two joints! He can sleep with his bank teller any time he wants!
I AM AT THE LOUNGE WHERE THEY FILMED THE LAP DANCE IN SHOWGIRLS....IT IS AMAZING
nothing like having plan b for breakfast in a cvs parking lot before ordering this semester's textbooks
he'll always be the guy that i fucked on the bathroom floor
I need a genital shamwow being this wet.
Would it be irresponsible to use my tax refund for a boob job?
Yes. Highly encouraged though.
The high school classes are online, not my sex life. He still comes over for “teacher / parent conferences.” A couple more “conferences” and I’ll be able to rewrite the Sex Ed curriculum
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