I'm gunna smoke cigs today. I feel like I'm in that powerful and gritty mood which requires them
I just shaved my legs while pooping. classy or trashy?
talent.
How do I recover from singing "your body is a wonderland" on his voicemail?
we couldnt tell if he was gay so we started working glee quotes into the conversation to see if he noticed.
I'm gonna need a helmet and adult supervision by 9...
Exactly. So you're exempt under the "I can't just fuck her to make it go away" clause of 2010.
We were in the hot tub...he ate the pizza pocket directly out of my mouth
I really have a thing for Greek chicks; I feel like while we are having sex she has the ability to make hummus which is just too appealing for me to pass up.
You're the only one to love me enough for me to admit the following: Rock-bottom sounds like sobbing to a Miley Cyrus song.
I was in a penguin suit. Dick out. I am confident in the value of my pic.
It's a herpes check up not a beauty pageant
Homeboy just asked me to strip for him. He should not be this horny and allowed to be in Vegas with his kid.
I'm extremely upset that I wasted my "having sex with a guy at work" card on him
Do you have any idea how awkward it was to type ‘dog twerking’ into google search? Because I don’t think you do.
I just found a nug casually in my room under my duffel bag. Is this a sign I need help?
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