you're kinda like the weird girl from The Breakfast Club after the makeover. i mean you're pretty, but you're still weird as fuck
I just saw a hobo ride by on a unicycle. Good day.
do you think having her use a clorox disinfecting wipe on her vagina will keep me from getting her herpes if I don't have a condom?
i just remebered that we smoked out my hamster yesterday...
i hope hes still alive. i just remember you give him a shit load of cereal and saying "trust me your going to need it"
Dude I reek of $2.50 pitchers, $1 off/pack marlboro cigs, and fear.
Fear?
FEAR.
I don't think you seem to understand this concept. WHEN A GAY GUY HANDS YOU A DAIQUIRI, YOU DRINK IT.
if i got ashes i think they'd burn a hole into my head with the amount of sins i've committed this year alone and it's only february
Right... Let's keep my vodka tinged mind focused on simple words
You woke me up at 2 am to tell me I could pee in a golf club if I wanted to.
You made a glowstick headband with a helium balloon tied around it and climbed a tree in high heels. I was impressed.
trust me. coming from a bonafide dirtbag, this dude is up to shady shit
I'm not entirely sure that the guy that just texted me is not on drugs right now. I'm also not entirely sure that he isn't about to be incarcerated.
I'd like to thank you for ensuring I didn't die. Id also like to show you the most impressive bruise you will perhaps ever see
Found some boxer briefs on my patio table this morning surrounded by a case worth of empties. Starting to remember why I have rugburn and a sore asshole.
I just gave a fucking twenty minute blowiob.. I'm a GOOD girlfriend.
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