hey dude i know youre in the next room but me and your sister need a condom, got any i could borrow?
She has her iPod in her ears slippers and sweats on and is walking around the house up and down the stairs getting "exercise" she just stopped for a water break
I just ate a cashew that looked EXACTLY like your dick.
There's a difference between southern and inbred. She just doesn't know that yet.
I think being a buddhist has made me a better drunk
That's all? I'm a pro at gay chicken. I'll touch his dick, I have no problem with that.
Don't feel bad sweetie, you're not the only classy one in town. I'm still driving around with that tupperware of tequila in my cup holder from last week's Margarita Monday.
Btw: some husbands are not impressed by me trying to snap photos of their wives camel toe.
Just realized I probably only have one more wedding where I can say I fucked the bride.
Come get your sister, she's waving a shoe about and threatened to "teabag the Shit" out of the doorman because she can't check the shoe in.
Getting drunk in an Applebee's pray for me
Lord god protect this child
Only the sound of Friends and my gulping of wine are masking the sounds of my roommate getting laid
I brought those bastards cookies so they can deal with my sex noise, fuck them and their roommate asses
Update: my mom just told someone to shut up and suck her dick
I might be a bit late, couldn't find my pants and had to go to the police station. Unrelated
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