if women knew the size of my dick, theyd be much more receptive to my sloppy drunken advances
It's not my theme song, it's my blowjob song. There's a difference.
threw up in the library. i should be embarrassed, but i'm willing to bet that i'm one of the first so i'm kinda proud.
All I had with a note saying that my shoes are in the ceiling and good luck.
You went around chanting "dinosaur period" and drinking tomato soup from the can.
last night he took my thong off with his teeth... god bless champagne
God I hope my hair dresser doesn't realize that all these hairspiration pictures are from gay porn blogs on tumblr.
I have a friend that keeps saying he wants to go bear hunting. Thought I would say just walk down church street at night. What intersection is it?
I'm wearing too many socks to be ok with this.
Dude, she doesn't even live here... She just can't eat all our food and masturbate on my dog's couch...
Well, I washed his beard with dish soap and then I fucked him three times.
Two big black bouncers picked you up and escorted you to the elevator.
I didn't even do anything wrong. For all they knew I could have been on the US Olympic Gymnastic team. Would they kick Gabby Douglas out of a bar? I don't think so.
i feel like every weekend turns into a giant blur of i dont want to know...
We were totally high while having sex, I told him fast or slow, just follow your balls. That was a show stopper.
one week and then i'm back on the sexual grind. a party is being planned in my vagina's honor
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