I'm full of awesome ideas
Yesss you are. Im full of confusion. I keep finding peanut butter on my legs...
What's the appropriateness of putting a 50 cent lyric in my gmas eulogy?
I want nothing more to get stoned and go to your little sisters petting zoo party but I need to have priorities
I really have to stop waking up in hot tubs on Friday mornings.
Life lesson: When you compete in an impromptu "bloody mary chug-off," in the end, no one wins.
That's all? I'm a pro at gay chicken. I'll touch his dick, I have no problem with that.
I'm gonna hire strippers dressed like the founding fathers.
We have a bucket list tonight. Not done yet. Gotta climb a building
My teacher just let our class out 30 minutes early, its a 50 minute class. He said the only thing we had to do was get fucked up tonight and have stories about it on Monday.
Turns out the guy I peed on gave me a ride back to my dorm this morning.
You are a god.
I'm not gonna lie. The only reason I haven't drank a whole bottle of crown tonight is because we only had 3/4 of a bottle left.
So my booty call knows your bf. Apparently they were in jail together
Harry Potter pub crawl tonight. You know you're living your life right when your check list for the evening is wizard robes, wand and acid.
I'm reading 50 shades of grey and masturbating while he's doing insulation downstairs. Maybe I can get him to bring me a sandwich
I feel like the physical embodiment of the pot leaf eyes smiley face
Randomize
