Can one do a walk of shame from one's own hotel? Considering I just barfed in a planter down town in from of a bunch of business men in suits on my way to a work breakfast on a Wednesday morning, I am gonna just go with yes.
please tell me that the half empty jar of cocktail sauce on the table has nothing to do with my missing seamonkeys
I just made $100 from people paying me not to get naked at the party... I need those P90X dvds
woke up with withdrawal cold sweats this morning. spring break must really be over.
The Ukrainian kid just told me that our econ professor wants to bone me. Please tell me that phrase means something different in Eastern Europe.
yup, got lost on my way to the final. maybe i should have gone to this class all semester
i was driving around baked, windows down jamming to third eye blind and eating grapes for 35 minutes before i remembered why i left my house
I hit a child with a fudge sickle from a moving vehicle after he flipped me off, I feel like a God. Tell no one. My partner didn't see it.
came home to a trail of roses from the door halfway up the stairs. but my nonsingle roommate lives downstairs. idk if they celebrated on the stairs or if some girl tried to woo me last night and i don't remember
I owe a guy a shoe because I threw it over a fence. That is all.
Why do I even exist?
This reminds me of the time I was given a lap dance by a David Bowie drag king...
Me sprinting out of your house without my bra or shoes is our entire relationship defined in a single moment.
We had sex while watching the republican debate. I'm not sure how he maintained an erection watching Donald Trump speak.
i woke up to a text from someone I put in my phone last night as "Giant Penis"
what did G.P. say?
oddly enough it was a dick pic
On the brightside we know now that empty pringle cans are accepted at mcdonalds as cups.... Screw people who judged us, we saved a buck
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