i jus pukd everywherw but i took a showr, come cuddle
nah, its part of my diet to keep track of the servings of everything i put into my body
how many servings is brandon's dick?
If Andre Agassi did Crystal Meth, what was John McEnroe doing?
I just saw a fat chick walking across campus talking to herself and licking her lips. Diet season is scary.
I just encountered the most annoying guy on the planet. I wanted to slap his milkshake out of his fat-boy hands while he was talking to me at the same time as slurping his liquid fat.
I love milkshakes.
Not the point.
yea, their son has been arrested on more than one occassion, their daughter is pregnant and their other daughter graduated but she was adopted, so clearly genes are everything.
my professor saw me buying beer for the super bowl and said go patriots. thats how i know im getting an A in his class.
Having my alarm go off at 3:30 makes me wanna rip my dick off and shove it through my eye socket
I already googled the effects of Molly with my antibiotics, I should be fine.
Why is there even a knowledge base for that?!
Your heart is a swirling cauldron of blackness that does not pump blood but rather a sludgey mixture of evil and broken dreams.
I have a gay crossdressing neighbor that's dresses up as a slutty pirate. 6 beers from now I would have hit on him. I hate halloween.
I partied with 2 slutty ninja turtles from Sweden last night, I Love Halloween.
drying my bra with a hair dryer wasn't exactly how I had planned on starting my day.
I knew my sister shouldn't have gone to the bacherlotte party. Two of the other brides maids have black eyes and my fiancé called me and asked if this is the crazy she's marrying
He came and farted at the same time. My life is over.
wait i saw you last night?
we found you ass naked on the couch covered in pillows.
Randomize
