At any point in time, have you stopped and thought "I wonder how high Willie Nelson is right now?
Ever got a vibrator stuck in ur hair? Is worse that getting ur hairbrush stuck.
...well that sucks.
I think I might.. possibly.. like a Justin Bieber song.
I think you might... possibly... have sprouted a vagina.
see these eyes, they just want to bone and go to sleep.
Just seen a lady with the back of her head shaved and the rest of her hair in a pony tail like a sumo wrestler with a 6 inch glass dolphin hair clip. Nothing is going to ruin my day.
Do you think drinking vodka, rum and sourpuss out of a water bottle, in a class that isn't even mine rude?
Me and this random chick had a conversation about how to save the world. 2 words: Dance. Battles. I love drunk heart to hearts in bar bathrooms.
He was still there when I ran half naked into my suitemate's room where she was skyping her boyfriend and I started singing I JUST HAD SEEEEX
Our DD has become famous. Strippers are asking to be handcuffed to him.
I still don't like him. I'm also filled with alcohol, so I'll revisit the statement in the morning.
I did however clean up the cupcakes and vomit so I'm not that bad of a roommate
I went to Walmart last night to buy some CDs--which is a sentence I never thought I'd say in 2016.
Crying into a glass of wine at 10 am isn't exactly how I planned this day to go
I went from swearing off of sex to planning a threesome. It's been a rollercoaster of a day.
Couch. On fire.
Randomize
