Just woke up wearing a top hat and simpsons boxers. i also found more money in my wallet then what i had before going out, about $1000 more
Just found my girlfriend's stash of animated Japanese porn
And to think, I actually considered breaking up with her
At the doctor. They're doing a flu test now. He was like "where do you think you got this?" I said "bachelor party. Strippers." he goes "okaaaay I'll put 'other'."
Her life must suck. All she's got is "Miss Shamrock" WHICH SHE LOST!
All we did was argue about ponys and drug dealers
I joined a mariachi band. they gave me a guitar because i told them i could play. It actually turned out ok
They kicked me out of the mariachi band. Turns out I'm not that good
Every single time I start thinking that we shouldn't have done that to him, I think of his ballsack in our passed out faces. No sympathy.
Chapter 6 - how to lose your underwear in chicago
Shrimp lo Mein doused in green apple Smirnoff is a rare delicacy only a few get to experience..guess I should consider myself lucky
He told me that if I were a guy he'd go gay for me. Honestly don't know how to take that.
I woke up naked on my futon with a blanket half way covering my ass and 20 half eaten chicken wings on my chest... At 7 pm... That kind of day drinking
I have this terrible fear I might accidentally text a pic of my dick to my grandma
Nothing says I love you as your fiancé bringing back home your drunk brother from his own stag party
I'm at that point in my life where keeping an extra pair of underwear in my purse is normal.
Why is there a waffle in the knife drawer?
The real question is why are there knives in the waffle drawer.
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