I will die if light touches me.
I think I just saw the travelocity gnome in leather chaps.
oh. my. god. the guy i hooked up with last night is currently wearing a dress.
Did he leave or is he still there?
He left right away, I might have passed out. I saw your text and was like who left where? Then the oh shit feeling sunk in, hangover starting now.
She just sat there, all alone, with a bottle of booze. And the dog. He even looked like he didn't wanna be there with her.
I enjoyed our heart to heart in the trunk on the way to the stripclub
Saturday dinner is funfetti cake and merlot. Singlehood has come to this.
I could've eaten a live cat and wouldn't remember it today. That level of drunk.
He bought me dinner. He gave me his jacket when I was cold. And then ate me out in the passenger sear of the car.
i think my love is proven by the fact that i still want to have sex with you after this conversation
I rode a bull tonight, There is absolutely no reason my dick is not in some chicks mouth
Just had a horrible realization. I've fucked a guy with a webbed foot AND a guy with a third nipple.
Nursing home in NJ just got busted for prostitution and drugs...dropping off my deposit tomorrow
you know you should be lucky to find the case to my dildo....that means no more random guys at the house!
I forget how to act sober
Randomize
