i just bought weed at the top of a mountain, best decision of our lives to go to school in colorado.
he drank a monster margarita at dinner. had to ask me if it was dollars or minutes that ended in 60.
she carries around a jar of peanut butter. "just in case".
The good news is that I can 100% reassure you that you did not get knocked up by some creepy Italian dude named Sal Manella last night.
The bad news is that you will never know the name of the guy who may have gotten you pregnant last night because he clearly gave you a fake name, sweetie.
I ended up naked with smirnoff caps on my nipples. Dignity is now a completely foreign concept to me.
He practically cut off his thumb and she offered him a tampon to stop the bleeding
I just can't promise there won't be a reason to hit you in the face with a dildo again in the future.
I told a 250 pound football player I would catch him if he jumped into my arms. And that is how I broke my wrist
When I say "is it a bad idea to do Mollie before an 8hr shift tomorrow?" I dont want to hear the truth I want to hear you encouraging my bad decisions
i don't find him as attractive when he's dressed as himself...bring back Indiana jones and I would so fuck him again
Eating breakfast at 1:30 in the afternoon stark naked is how everyone should live
Dude, they hit that lizard part of my brain that tells me to fuck people.
Preach sister.
I left my red butterfly dildo laying on my bedroom floor this morning....my landlord is currently showing the house to people. Fuck can't ever face him again.
the funny thing was, all i remember was a liter of vodka and going to oneonta for the night. then 2 weeks later bam, i get a letter banning me from campus for the next 4 years. awesome convorsation with my dad to wake up to.
I woke up under a house in Key West
Randomize
