we've reached the level in our friendship where i don't think he would rape me
I just saw the list where the U.S. doesn't even rank in the top 10 in drinking countries. I know its Tuesday but....its for America
Alright, my brain isn't sure how to properly function on a Wednesday with no hangover and more than 3 hours of sleep.
Hold on I'm doing something revolutionary that blossomed from a high idea
I just realized the only way to play Edward forty-hands is commando in a skirt. This intelligence kick is really doing me justice.
Just had a threesome with a hot Turkish guy and an even hotter French lawyer. This what happens when I travel alone. You have only yourself to blame for this.
Everybody shut up a minute, we need to discuss how much nicer the world would be if pants weren't a thing.
Btw. Being a stripper for a week without anyone knowing to pay off my school loan is no longer in my agenda.
Drunk packed a lunch. Made two turkey sandwiches and threw in a bag of raw bacon. Gold star for the day drunk self.
The fact that we all screamed by Felicia to a bitch actually named Felicia will be a highlight of my life
She has a bong hits for Jesus shirt. Of course I'm going to like her.
I don't need no damn man when I have the cock-a-nator 2000.
I'm not well. Although it could be worse.
My cousin is so hungover she quit her job.
OMG I DIDNT READ THAT TEXT CAREFULLY CAUSE I'M ON THE DEVILS LETTUCE & I THREATENED TO PUNCH A CHILD OMG I'M SO SORRY
I need to go to St. Louis more often. The brides sorority sisters were practically fighting over me once they heard I work on Wall St.
Randomize
