so high. i feel like my whole body is a boner
After you took the handle off the bathroom door I had to coach the Scottish guy sitting on the toilet, throwing up in his own lap, how to put his pants back on. Yes, I think he won the drinking game.
that blow job was not worth the clinginess that will follow
You weren't a difficult drunk to take care of. I just had to stop you from plunging the toilet once or twice.
Ummm so I just found the baby pumpkin that was on my porch last night in Village Pizza this morning on their counter. The cashier said some drunk girl came in and told him it was a present.
I wanna thank you for having such slutty friends growing up. Your a great little sister
There are a bunch of guys at the door looking for the guy you brought back to the condo...pretended not to speak English. You're welcome.
My penis has a 100% approval rating. He has never received a formal complaint. If you'd like to file one, you can go fuck yourself.
His reasoning for leaving the keys in the ignition of my car overnight with the top down in an open parking lot ? Too eager to have sex. The sex was not that good for him to do this twice....
Taco Bell. She just parked, got out of the car mid drive-thru, ran to the dumpsters, pissed, then ran back and drove up in the line.
I can feel my teeth in 4 dimensions. I shouldnt be this high at 8 in the morning.
Halloween: the only night of the year wheee the more high I get, the more it compliments my makeup and outfit.
he ended the message XOXO, who the fuck does he think he is GossipGirl.
So, I'm roughly 90% sure that the guy next to me in the xray waiting room is watching porn on his phone right now
that's the second time my extensive knowledge of taylor swift has gotten me laid
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