God dammit. Now I'm pissed at Arizona, while feeling bad for my poor, poor penis.
I just creeped all your pictures on Facebook -- it was like I watched you grow up right before my eyes.
My Adderall prescription says to take my recommended dose and throw away any leftover pills. Why don't more prescriptions come with jokes like this?
Apparently i just threw up in the bathroom, i told them i just blew my nose. i don't think they believe me...
Saw a guy pass out and hit his head on a urinal. Laughing too hard to help him up
Nothing like a 3am firealarm to kick a booty call out...
I believe you called it tequila and nipples. The proceeded to strike a pose.
Was there a Canadian at your party or did I dream that?
I almost went home with him but then my hydroxycut fell out of my purse at the bar and I ran away
I told my manager that I would be coming in to work either high from edibles on purpose or tripping on acid by accident so he knows to check my work tomorrow.
They are like untrained puppies reaking havoc on a newly furnished house. Out of control.
You just compared our vaginas to a newly furnished house...I can dig it.
I’ve gone two rounds already this morning and I’m ready for a third. The moon is in the house of sluticus hornius.
Have you ever forgotten how to pee? I did last night. Standing in front of the urinal with dick in hand. WTF were we drinking???
So my dad just asked, "did you leave without pants a lil bit ago?"
Santi's no longer allowed to buy booze in my lane. Last thing I need is a midlife crisis looking at his Id again.
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