I thought the fact that I took home a 42 year old with 3 kids would excuse my tardiness this morning because my boss is also 42 and has 3 kids. Boy was I wrong.
If we have to be apart I understand. Being separated is probably best for our relationship now. I look forward to our booty calls.
I am intoxicated and cannot bring you a burrito. However, if you want to bring ME one...
I miss the good ol' days when we would yell at strangers from your balcony while wearing our mexican ponchos in the middle of the day.
what ever happened to our old dealer?
Beer pong consisted of me throwing a ball at the wall and then falling over because moving my arm made me dizzy. I think our team lost.
can you just act like it's not so easy to get a blowjob from me??
We were debating whether you had hooked up with him. I was right for the record.
I think the universe has a conglomeration of sentences reserved only for me.
Fuck you fireball...just straight up fuck out of here
You are the ghost of drunk bitches past, present, and future.
he would snap chat his dick as like Harry Potter
I was so high last night I honestly think my tears were medicinal
She was giving me head, and a cop pulled up next to us. I freaked when he looked over at me, but so did he and rear ended the car in front of him.
There’s a special place in hell for tall guys with small dicks
High school drama coach is wasted and wanted me to tell you that I’m good at flip cup and you should be very proud of me
Where the hell are you
Randomize
