saw you had $9 in your checking acct, left $20 on your dresser so you won't be a whore this weekend
Whats the glycemic index on semen?
Any day that starts with a call from my ex-bf... crying... is a good day.
it glows. i had to have it.
I wasn't so much your wingman at that point as I was the interpreter of you point at shit and mumbling to the cab driver.
Why is your name on a gluestick in a plastic baggy stuck to my door?
I told my dad my stomach hurt and he bet me ten bucks I couldn't throw up on command. He has no idea what I did last night and I got ten bucks.
I put tequila in my salad dressing yesterday. Step the fuck up.
Remember that time I sent you a 5lb bag of gummie bears?
Like it was yesterday.
Apparently I had it on auto deliver. So whoever is at your apt is gonna gen an interesting delivery...
struggle bus is officially taking me on a road trip to hell. If this is just the first destination, I'll jump out the fucking window.
Soooo we should kick it sometime when it's like light outside. Drink outta cups.. Be bitches. 7, 6, 3, 5.. 4, 2, 1... Sschhkiddaellladiieessscchk
I just wish the first erections of my life didn't take place at a dentists office but hey whatever I turned out alright
I was so drunk, he put me to bed and went down stairs to hang out with his friends. Apparently, I was curled up in the closet, spooning the dresser when he came back up.
There's a fuckload of syrup all over the floor.
I live in Vegas It shouldn’t be this hard to find a penis looking for a night of no strings attached sex
Randomize
