I just made out with a guy for $7.
im sorry i didnt take advantage of you..iwaned to
i wanted you to too
He showed up to fuck me at the same time the pizza guy did. It was like everything I needed just showed up at my stoop.
Apparently I mistakenly called the hair club for men at 3am... they called me back this morning.
I HAVE stop dating guys for their prescriptions, you have no idea how awkward family dinner was. Thank god for his xanax.
i don't know. but im upstairs in the closet with a burger i found in their fridge
His penis is small and he doesnt like Harry Potter. HE HAS NO REDEEMING QUALITIES WHAT AM I EVEN DOING HERE
when I said energy drinks I meant cocaine
My dad just sent me a text reminding me to bring the family beer pong championship belt. Thanksgiving 2012 just got real
It was right before we played jenga with champagne glasses for a good half hour
BECAUSE THIS IS AMERICA AND DONUTS AND TITTIES AND ALCOHOL IS WHAT THIS COUNTRY WAS FOUNDED ON
It's gotten to the point where waking up in my own apartment is a surprise
He forehead kissed me AND THEN asked what I was thinking. I'm taking away his man card.
So I just watched a seagul attack my boss and steal his food in the parking lot. Today might not be a bad day lmfao.
I've got 3 hot dudes surrounding me. It's the Bermudick Triangle.
Randomize
