Thanks to blow jobs, my margarita's at the bar are only 3dollars.
so i'm sitting in his room drinking tequila from the bottle and watching harry potter. he's jacking off to some porn a couple feet away from me. at one point i look over and see that he's watching me instead of the porn. please help me figure out how warped it is that i found that romantic
Note to all middle aged "I totally let myself go after childbirth" frumpy mothers: I do not dress this way for your husbands. Stop looking at me like that. It's not my fault.
She is the perfect woman. She cooks, gives good head and doesn't care that I have a small penis.
I just bedazzled my weight watchers points calculator. You can tell I'm gay.
My roomate asked me why she found condoms in the pringles container. I don't know what to tell her
Somewhere between yelling how am I gonna make it to my flight and more titie shots I stopped caring
He wasn't lying when he said he was immune to pepperspray. He pretended it burned for like 12 seconds and told the cops he was kidding he was alright. We'll be there soon.
That was nice of you. Thank you for respecting the fact that I got cockblocked by a sophomore last night.
He started using my brother's rc helicopter as a beer delivery device. He's a drunk McGyver.
I just watched my mom get dick on Skype.
That d should have definitely been an s.
I'm high and dancing to practical magic. Your needs for my penis can wait.
Your rough animalistic sex sounds are disrupting my cocktail hour
I'm ordering sushi and crying over finals. Come over and bring wine.
can i get licensed in dentistry online like a priest
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