I bet when she looks at herself in the mirror she wishes brown paper bags were in fashion.
"Tonight I'm turning swine flu into an std" this might be how zombies come about. Peace civilization.
Fact: The drinking you do in college doesn't affect your liver in real life.
Hookers taste better with whip cream
Maybe we ought to get some pennicillin too
Fair enough
Wow, I just sneezed gum out of my nose. Wonder how long that's been up there.
The guy is drinking 5 bottles of beer in a juice pitcher. Fucking amazing.
New major. Tourism Management. I dont know what it is but it sounds like something all the stupid slutty failed business management majors do.
I hurt. I blacked out in a onesie. Reevaluation needs to happen.
I'm so pissed my boobs hit the emergency stop button during my workout
If I get laid dressed as one of the McPoyle twins, I deserve all the medals.
alcohol and riverdancing are a dangerous mix. have a spraind ankle. i die now
It's five in the morning. wtf?
The doctor said that if they accidentally damage my nerve endings I could permanently lose feeling in my lower jaw.. Honestly the first thing that came to mind was how that would affect my blowjob skills.
You know it's really hard to draft fantasy football players in a crowded bar when I have a raging hard on
my god I love twenty year old dicks
You smoked too much and passed out, didn't you?
You know me so well.
Randomize
