I looked up to you, until I saw her walk out of your room.
woke up naked, gf gone. There is a cup of change in the fridge, a bird in the bathroom, and odie is drawn on my ceiling. I live in a non sequitur
You talked to that cop for like 15 minutes and when you got back, you told us you were "networking".
Its weird to pet your cat with a boner
What the fuck?
And he tried to make it as casual as possible by asking where i was going on vacation while he was poundin me.
i need you to babysit me first week back at school. havent had tequila, adderal, or sex w randoms in 3 months
What are the odds of finding the one hot Australian dude with erecile dysfunction?
There's a chance I told a cop that I was ready for him to strip I may have even taken some ones out of my purse and stuck them in his holster
Also the bouncer Straight up told me my id was shitty and I should get a new one. But he let me in anyways because #boobz
I'm so lazy and tired i just want to cry and fall asleep in a bed of egg mcmuffins.
You've got to be fucking kidding me. Do you think "Husband drunkenly pees all over floors" is reasonable grounds for divorce? So pissed off right now.
Everything was going well until he very loudly said that he wanted to cum on my fingernails.
Yes. Life would be much easier if we had penises & could do whatever the fuck we want.
I’m not closing myself off the to the possibility of making a bad life choice.
He has fairy lights round his bed.. And played Jamie cullum when we had sex... Hes batting for the other team right?
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