He went through and tagged himself on my crotch in all of my facebook pics
Since when is my name a synonym for head?
Well, I guess that settles the question of how thick the walls are in my building.
I feel like I bought a front row ticket to watch her screw up her life
Judging by the fact that my hair was glued to my head with vomit, yeah I think I couldve used a friend last night
It would be celebrated in history as "the orgasm heard round the world"
HE HAS A FUCKING TWIN. HE HAS A TWIN. I'M NOT DRUNK THERE IS TWO OF THEM.
We woke up under the ping pong table holding hands.
Handcuffs are allowed in carry on luggage :) just checked
I chugged that bitch with a dip in.
You somehow managed to be a man whilst drinking a Mike's Hard. I commend you.
I also tried to solve my dog's itching problem with crystal healing. I'm so high, dude.
I just rubbed amethyst all over him and kept saying 'no bites.'
He has an accent when he types. I can *hear* the schnitzel. Especially when he's drunk.
I feel like we need to find him and explain that if the two of them would just fuck he'd understand.
Had a rough day but my boyfriend made that all better by going down on me while letting me watch Top Gear... I'm buying the engagement ring tomorrow
Bleach your asshole, I'm on my way.
Who is this?!?!
Randomize
