Home, forcing the cats to make out. Someone should get some.
I cant prove it..but im almost positive that you were just outside my window watching me while eating out of a bag of Cheetos...
He has to watch his girlfriends kitten. Even when she is in Vegas, her pussy keeps him from getting into mine.
Tomorrow morning i will black in to find a christmas tree in my room that i dont remember how i got. I love college
we aren't going to have kids. there's a 50% chance that they would look like him. not worth the risk
Rolled in at 3:30am from the strip club, with all the screaming I did, Siri doesn't even recognize my voice this morning,
He said I kept trying to give him directions back to my house in Rhode Island, and that I started crying when he told me I live in Phoenix.
I've never heard "I will drown your mother in vanilla pudding" as an insult before, and then last night happened.
I was walking out the front door and heard his roomate say "It looks like you need a chiropractor." I think my work here is done.
Tried to put an eye patch on while hooking up with a girl. She was not amused.
The fact that I am laying in bed on my stomach with an ice pack on my rump is a clear indication that I am no longer in my carefree 20s
Now that it's fall I have to prepare for the imminent arrival of ripped up sweatpants shoved into folded over sequined uggs
I already popped my bottle of Rose and took my boxers off. No can do muchacho
First you stole a hockey stick out of the nieghbors yard and claimed you were moses leading his children home. Then you led us around the same block twice before I called the cab
I may have passed out and puked all over the host's favorite couch, but three hours and a rip later, I was eating tiramisu in the bathtub with the birthday boy and a hot Italian.
Randomize
