i think the fact that he graduated high school the year i graduated elementary school is sexy.
is it weird that i feel like i won the break up because my status change got two comments and his got zero?
The bubbles in my bathtub are singing to me in german....
Life after highschool has not been kind to her. She looked fatter than Luke Wilson's face in those AT&T commercials.
Can you get arrested or in trouble for punching a dead relative in a casket?
Almost accidentally stole a baby... explain later
I didn't think her British accent was real until I saw how fucked up her teeth were.
literally have a bruise on my forehead from being over the toilet all night.
There's always the 'not have sex with the drunk girl I just met at some party' option.
That was the plan but Tequila showed up at the party too.
3 things. 1) we need alcohol 2) we need alcohol 3) we need tortilla chips. Let's make a plan. Bro shakes and salsa.
People are yelling about how much they want you here.
I'm going to change, vomit up my mexican food to save the trouble later, and then come meet you. Thrilled.
Im having a christmas reunion party tonight. Last year i ate my own contact. We'll see how this year goes
Fuck these runners passing me on campus as I'm waking to dinner. With my huggie. With flavored vodka and rum. Aka yum
Also this time, I didn't have a random creepy guy come up from behind me, grab my junk, and whisper "where's the cocaine?" in my ear. So that's also a win.
Definitely went down on him last night while he was wearing a cape. He randomly kept swirling it around me and "revealing me" in the mirror like a magic trick. I'm not even a little upset, it's fun fucking younger guys.
Randomize
