Pretty people don't get stds, I knew it
frozen peaches as icecubes. vodka Sundays just got wayyyy better
he told me it was a naked video of him so i opened it. i just got rickrolled while sexting
Was I wearing clothes when I handed you your keys. Please tell me I was wearing clothes.
Thanks, college. Tonight's decisions brought to you by margs in a nalgene.
Today needs to die. The mail delivery guy watched me throw up in my yard while taking my chihuahua out in Christmas pajamas at noon. Low point in my life.
i chased my gummy vitamins with cold bacon, never say I don't take care of myself
Just ate Panda Express. Fortune cookie had no fortune in it. I actually prefer this. Less broken dream potential.
You gave me the best orgasm of my life. I'm buying you a house
I thought you died. Don't forget it's burger night.
Leaves on the ground. Coffee in one hand and your man in my other. Lovely fall morning.
I swear to god he thought my ass was a bag of wine last night.
(440): please tell me you didn't have sex in my dress.. IT'S A VIRGIN DRESS.
I legitimately thought he died. I even called his mom at 3am and told her. Im done with vodka.
It was some weird herd predator-evasion instinct. All 15 of us took off running in different directions, and the two cops just stood there, perplexed. They had no idea who to chase.
Randomize
