So, when he came he screamed MORTAL KOMBAT!!!! at the top of his lungs and all of his roomates yelled back FINISH HER!!!!.....yeah kinda akward
Its weird to pet your cat with a boner
What the fuck?
One reason I don't come to Portland. I saw 8 guys I have had sex with last night. At the same party.
By 8 I mean 9.
And by 9 I mean 10.
we cant have a funnel and a dog. thats a lot of responsibility
just lying in bed drinking beer with a straw waiting for motivation. why?
DUDE, DID YOU KNOW YOU CAN JUST RENT AN ELEPHANT???
Oh God.
Oh god our sink is a cavalcade of horrors. Brb sacrificing a goat and putting everything in the dishwasher forever
Plan: drunk dancing. Reality: drunk almost getting in fights with people that could beat me into the ground.
I have vodka and a slip n slide so of you could come over that would be great
Best feeling in the world is getting a random boob pic from a drunk chick at 3 am.
Do you remember peeing in the sink while I was throwing up?
No ma'am, I do not. I found a video of us trying to do a trust fall though. Emphasis on the trying.
This guy is like Don Jon! Im over here this weekend and at least four times I've heard porn on his phone thru the bathroom door.
He had all the grace of a fucking hippo and the emotional control of a five year old
How’s your Christmas Eve so far?
I just chased my melatonin with red wine. It’s 12:00pm.
We're just starting to open presents and I already need a shot. This is gonna be a long Christmas day.
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