I just pulled a feather out of my vagina.
I am not joking.
so, on facebook you can become a fan of butt sex, and also premarital sex, but not premarital butt sex, which is what I was aiming for.
I'm in class. I'm not opening a page with the words "death erection" in the link. There's people behind me lol.
Make sure you take the apple pie out of your pocket before you pass out.
I can't figure out how to get this beer bong in my carry on without airport security questioning me as it goes through the x-ray.
The bar tenders gave me the number for a "taxi"... It's just a dude with a van. In retrospect, pretty sketchy. Robert was cool though.
Totally clawed myself in the face during sex. I can die happy?
She just asked if I wanted to eat nachos off of her boobs... I'm going to marry this girl.
Banged former boss. Adulthood achievement unlocked.
That was just an endearing nickname I called you before. I'm not gonna call you a filthy slut now that you are one, I don't want to hurt your feelings.
i found 4 slices of pizza in my toaster, and a can of unopened soup in my blender.. wtf?
I woke up in his closet, with my shirt inside out and backwards, Rolos in my hand, a tortilla with a face carved into it stuck to the fridge with a magnet, a homemade bong next to the bed, and the door off the hinges... I need a chaperone.
i just watched a 27 minute video about owls...that high.
I almost wrecked my car because of a guy in skinny jeans had a boner
Oh please. Preoccupy yourself with my penis.
Randomize