God help me. Come pick me up. The guy told me this is not a hotel and i had to leave.
I don't know how I got that girl last night. I feel like seal right now sans the scars
brass monkey on radio. cant stop dancing.
i think i gave myself a perma-hangover. or god just hates me.
he conducted the entire waffle house into singing the song Oklahoma. He was wasted.
My boss just gave me full permission to come into work wasted this weekend.
i never thought it was possible to fit gay, redneck and asian into the same sentence before i met you.
and this wasn't even the first one i'd hooked up with
Last night: Repeatedly yelled about how the fishbowl tasted like blue, stole a stranger's hat, hugged the DJ for playing my request, made out with my roommate, and abandoned the guy I dragged to the club in the first place
This morning: Hat doesn't fit, hangover headache is blue, and I can't move without getting lightheaded
Listen when they tell you not to drink after giving blood
Fell twice in five points. on my face. literally during a cross walk. The cars just went around me. 21st birthday memories right there
Shroomed with my best friend'a dad at his wife's surprise birthday party so you can say I have experience in the field
I've seen you go skiing on a Tuesday, but you think you're too good for TGI Friday's?
Sometimes, it’s important to take a moment and kinkshame yourself.
I miss your drunken presence, and strong odor of hard liquor and potent weed.
I'm declaring this weekend Captain Morgan weekend
You declare every weekend Captain Morgan weekend...
You just don't understand... :'(
His dick is social distance approved
Social distance approved?
big enough for me to fuck from six feet away
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