When my options for Friday night are being a 3rd wheel or bringing a gay man as my date i need to focus on other things in life like having a successful career.
somehow you got everyone naked by playing strip rock paper scissors.
Just made hot dog dorito pasta. It happened.
I wouldn't necessarily say I'm in her pants...I'd say I'm more on the on ramp to the freeway to the long way to her pants. There really isn't a short cut.
you screamed santa and jumped in front of 50 kids to tell him you wanted a bong for christmas.
I have no words
Neither did my mom, when she walked in on me squating with my balls in a cup of hot water.
when was she peeing in the stairwell? why dont i remember this?
....because generally we only remember 40% of the night each, and have to fill eachother in. And that still leaves 20% that we will never know and its probably for the best
Wtf man. I knew she was bad news. No sane person cares if you eat their raviolli.
There was a pirates of the caribbean marathon on. No matter how much you like rum, it is NOT possible to outdrink the pirates. They always win.
I don't care how sexy you think I look in my scrubs. Wanting a blow job is not a medical emergency.
Eating a TV dinner and watching Goosebumps on Netflix, the sad, sad title of my autobiography.
Holy shit, I just successfully took and sent a boob pic AT MY DESK I have conquered an entire new level of skill.
Didn't have the heart to tell him that while he was eating my ass I was laughing, not moaning, into the pillow
We kind of crashed their funeral party. Oops.
We should buy t shirt guns and blow eggs out of them at his house. Bachelorette party
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