I just woke up covered In blood, I have cuts all over my body, I can't find my clothes from last night, I'm still wasted, i'm pretty sure I have a sprained ankle, and the best part is, I have absolutely no recollection of what led to this. THAT'S why vodka is the greatest drink in the world.
dude ... she has a full length mirror in her shower, don't even tell me shes not dtf
So add panera bread to the places i love to eat that i am potentially banned from.
on the way to the hospital you kept asking if we could stop at the bar first. then you proceeded to puke out the window
Apparently it is frowned upon to ask the bouncer to stop pointing his flashlight in your face and step back so you can puke....and then do it
Does he cat effect his dick pics to you? Because THAT is true love
Somehow ended up home, probably had something to do with the makeshift ladder from my second story window. Now headed to church, still drunk, and still fighting back the vomit of a thousand different alcohols. Successful night.
"I gave a guy a handjob last night, on a dog bed, inside a fireplace. It's going to be a good year."
I just got into the cab. It smells like weed and the driver looks like someone who may or may not be really talented at playing the saxophone. He also asked me my thoughts on porn when I told him I'm an actor. I might not make it home.
dude, im taking a shit and i just realized it's his MOM in the shower not him...oh fuck
My Dicks been hard all day. Poor guy isn't used to vacation being over
He said he discovered the mysteries of the universe inside an orange... I want whatever he was on.
I mean seriously, she can have his dick anytime and im over here salivating like a thirsty bitch.
First time not coming to this class high in a month and a half, never again will i put myself thru this torture
I need a significant other who'll eat Skittles from my boobs
Randomize
