Charged a drink to your name last night. Thanks for the whiskey
There is a woman in the bar breastfeeding a baby. Doing shots. Gotta love maryland Applebees.
It never fails.. every time I have a dick in my mouth he calls me.
I'm functioning at the level of a challenged walrus.
What's the best way to say, "it's too early in our relationship to leave me at your place alone"? Steal something?
I woke up next to her boyfriend and she woke up next to mine....
This is like a fucked up game of musical chairs.
She showed me her tits and my first thought was "I want these to feed my future children." I'm scared.
I literally just fucked insane clown pussy. 24 yo nut job moonlights at children's parties. Gave me head while still in full clown makeup from my kid's birthday party.
She kept asking for cigarettes, than just put them in her purse as "savings"
My last 2 google image searches were 'a lot of pudding' followed by 'a generous portion of pudding'
He was hammered and shot his pistol into the lawn. Next thing I know sheriffs are at our house with M4s. He likes to party
who are you talking about my vagina to?!
It figures that the only time one of my videos on Snapchat gets replayed is a video of my Hedonism Bot impression and NOT my nudes
So do I get points for screwing my recently single ex boyfriend and then telling him to go fight for his ex back?
now whenever i pass that house all i can think about is how i pooped in their yard..
Randomize
