I found a wheel chair. there is now a high chance im going to be fired from this job
Chances are I'll be there for your wedding. Camelbaks filled with jack and coke are appropriate attire, right?
i yelled at him for a little and we ended up fucking in a random tennis court.
Living room yoga. I'm too hungover to deal with anyone else's chi today.
I'm glad they extended train service last night. People crying, screaming, throwing up, fighting and peeing themselves on a train made me feel like I've got my shit together.
'lets look at pictures of your friend's new baby' was probably the worst post-sex idea we've ever had
By 11 pm the pants were off and there was no turning back. But on the bright side, you promised me your CDs when you died, you even signed a napkin saying so.
I couldn't find a lighter, so I smoked a bowl with a birthday candle.
Well she just asked a sorority girl if she should fuck her floor mate so it's basically like the blind leading the blind
should i be that dick who brings a carpet in an uberpool
Why are you moving a carpet?
it's unimportant
I was just giving a mobile app demo to a client, on my iPhone, when a reminder alert appeared across the page blinking "12pm: go home and give John head". You're an asshole
Hahaha oops.
My mom just asked if I wanted a mimosa when I got out of the bath.
I think everything's gonna be okay.
I hate to be the bearer of bad news, but yours is no longer the biggest penis I've seen. It is however, still the prettiest.
I dont understand why i cant be a wizard
I jerked off 12 hours ago exactly. I owe it to my penis to get laid.
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