I can only date guys with blackberrys
I just decided its a new prereq to talk to me
she went to her friend's wedding and caught the bouquet. as the unwilling rebound, can i run away now?
How much is that going to cost?
A lot of beer.
Pretty sure that I got the MVP of wedding reception... woke up on the bench in the hallway of a hotel and we did NOT start the night there.
I pulled my bra out of my dress and handed it to my mom..at cocktail hour during the wedding.
You don't understand. This could be the last time I shave a star into my vag. Get over here.
Well. No wine. And no real mixers. I'm using vodka and grape juice and calling it Slurrrlot. Happy Holidays bitch.
There's s woman at the corner of the bar dancing by herself in her seat and making eye contact with me. Please hurry.
New rule. Every time you and I have a disagreement that lasts longer than 10min, while in a bar, we'll have a shot. Figure we'll eventually start agreeing sooner rather than later...
Your mission, should you decide to accept it, is to pick up rum, beer, and cigarettes. Your holiday will self-destruct if you ignore this message.
Yeah but sometimes your vagina needs to be fed and when we are drunk we tend to eat junk food
I'm not saying I would have to be high to sleep with him. I'm just saying it would probably help.
Today I learned that when you lick a mans butthole, you get wined and dined at a nice french restaurant.
She wore her engagement ring the whole time we fucked. I hate her fiancee, so it was cool
a victory without nudity is not really a victory
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