Reason #437 to hate Louisiana: Just went to the public bathroom at work. It was so humid the toilet seat was damp and sticky. Either it's the humidity or I sat in somebody's yesterday piss. I choose to believe the humidity.
today is like waiting for pizza day in elementary school, but with sex added
how convenient is it that the kid i'm fucking lives right next to planned parenthood?
They let you pick the name that they announce for you at graduation. The professional world needs to prepare itself for papa smurf mcdonald.
I call it my summer of slut; except summer lasts from May until December. It's been incredibly successful
Just scrubbed my teeth for a good twenty minutes. Herpes is afraid of toothpaste, right?
I hate that he uses me for something other than sex. What does he think I am? His girlfriend? Ha.
The following message is brought to you by IMSOFUCKINGSORRY. Dude I'm really sorry I got you arrested last night. You are allowed to choose a repayment plan from the following options: Money, weed, or a single kick to the balls any time within the next calender months. Repayment outside of the aforementioned options can be negotiated and considered within reason.
Using the random money I found in my bra from Halloween to pay to print my bio notes. I only brought a debit to the bar. College win.
stop sending me battleship coordinates and get back here so i can suck your dick
This morning I woke up in the entrance of a retirement home. Memory fragments from last night: making it rain with the contents of my wallet over the bridge, getting hit by a car, and a lot of running.
I was masterbating to some porn on my phone and my mom decides to text me "are you okay?" I mean i was doing great until you cock blocked me mom..
Guess who's now on the no-fly list? If you guessed me, you'd be right.
hey can you send me that pic of that dude?...if this isn't Rochelle's phone...can you please find and tell Rochelle to send me that picture of that dude?
also. when i get a car, the amount of space there is for sex WILL be a huge deciding factor.
Randomize
