You drink too much
No, I drink just the right amount - too often.
He was so drunk that he tried to backflip off a baby chair.. How do you think that ended?
if you were to get worldwide popularity from playing guitar with a plastic yellow bat while drunk on YouTube, would you hate me?
He was waring a speedo fashioned out of american flag bandanas and when he got hard he said "you're such a patriot...raising the american flag like that"
Dorm room. In. Elevator. Fell in. Boom. Puke
All I could think when I saw it was, "All right, Vagina, only one of us is getting out of this alive."
Mixed review. I fucked her in the river, but then we were assaulted by ducks.
He asked us to wake him up with a strobe light. We had it going in front of his face full power for half and hour and he didn't even blink.
We got Pizza Hut & Papa Johns, delivered within seconds of each other, and both delivery people did a shot. I was put on Earth for this moment.
Btw, you're my emergency contact at Planned Parenthood
There's mini weenies and empanadas everywhere...
I just tried to pass the bowl to my dog for 2 minutes before I remembered she isn't human. It is 7:27 am.
STOP GETTING GIRLS PREGNANT IN MY BED.
When's the best time to point out that all of my orgasms this year have been self-administered? Valentine's day?
Being severely attracted to someone you find is your cousin just made my list of top 10 worst feelings
Randomize