i almost got kicked out of the rave because i was trying to get in on some couple's makeout sessions
I woke up to 30 angry texts and her Chihuahua in my room. Can you drop him off for me?
just took my ibuprofen with ramen broth, yay college
A friday night jus isn't the same if the cops don't raid my dorm
I legitimately just tried to piss above my head. I got to my chest at highest. There's piss everywhere.
I cagt a turtle and named him squirt. He's in my bathtub Caleb is feeding me peaches! This is the most beautiful vodka Thursday ever!
Cats found the secret coke stash again
They owe us $80.
Hold on I'm doing something revolutionary that blossomed from a high idea
At least I can pee in a cup like a champ at this point
I'm gonna write a book one day about how to be the less attractive person girls settle for after getting dumped. I will send you a copy
I have the most nasty and explicit wet dreams of my boss that I'm embarrassed to look him in the face. I'd be pregnant or promoted if he only knew
It's not too terrible. You just got a little naked and broke your arm.
Almost stopped showering halfway through to go get food
I woke up in bed spooning a vacuum cleaner
He just made this face while he was fucking me and he looked like the hunchback of Notre Dame, I had to stop him.
Randomize
