Dude, she had a vegina. I felt like Indiana Jones cutting a path through the jungle.
he believed the zit on my nose was a piercing...until he tried to bite it. needless to say he didnt ask for my number
so he reminded me it was our 9 month anniversary and then said "we could've had a baby by now"
Oh, and my friends believe you should reimburse me for the brazilian that was gone to waste.
you broke a plate. told her her wedding china was ugly and you were doing her a favor. then proceeded to break every plate you could get your hands on.
I just peed behind the dumpster and dedicated it to you. Can i call u?
So he ended up throwing a watermelon that he stole from the cafeteria saying "if i cant have it no one can" of the 5th floor.
Dude he's not responding... I'll take that as an unpleasant visit to the clinic
Matt. This is the manager of qdoba. Pick up the phone. Your friend needs you.
just saw a guy snowshoeing to the liqour store
was it you?
...yes
You asked me to pick a color between pink and purple, and I said orange; you told me, "okay, that's a truth question". Then you asked if I had ever deep-throated a cupcake...I didn't even know what to say.
Dude, just found out there's a monster in a video game named after me. No more dating nerds.
After an orgasm, I always feel the urge to sing A Whole New World from the move Aladdin and I'm not quite sure why.
I'm like the kinda excited when David After Dentist stands up in his seat, screams, and collapses
We ran out of vodka, so instead of body shots you wanted to do cupcake shots off her naked body...happy birthday to you.
Randomize
