Laying in bed naked with the guy I just fucked, talking to his WIFE who's sitting across from us like we're having a fucking tea party. This is interesting.
Who knew that being in a committed relationship is the same thing as forced celibacy? Did not sign up for this.
there was a guy who was being paid to stand outside of Abercrombie without a shirt on... normally i would be okay with this but he was 40...
remeber the saying "bad choices make good memories" dude our bad choices dont even make memories.
Training to be a housewife: cleaning the house and masturbating while cookies are in the oven.
Mango bong: no go. Guava bong: sweet flaming buddha it was delicious. I shall teach you the ways of tropical fruit trees.
Look if 10 am was too early to go barrel tasting the winery would not be open.
How many tongue depressors should I need to steal from urgent care to make samurai armor?
I told him he wasn't aloud to one word text me. Unless that one word was threesome
Some girl just walked passed me, said "fuck yeah!" and is now crawling up the stairs
Half way through sex he whispered in my ear, " your the second best I've ever had" then proceeded to tell me to sit on his face.
I'm in my bed. Snow angles in fresh sheets. don't even try to get me out tonight.
You tried to get the Waffle House waitress to put a candle in your cheesy hash browns.
Just check with her if girls can get blown, that's all.
I am so sorry. Not sure for what, but whatever I did last night probably merits an apology, so I'm covering my bases.
Randomize
