It's fine actually... I'm pretty sure he had the crookedest weiner in the world anyway.
Like he had it hanging in the wind and you just decided, "nope, I don't think that one's for me." ????
God no! I could just feel it. His clock said it was 8:00 when, clearly, it should have been midnight.
i thought to myself 'what a productive day'. then i realized all ive done is one load of laundry and shaved my balls.
I'm sorry about your car but on a brighter note I did wake up in my dorm. That's something right?
Fuck you.
On the brightside though, I found the motivation to clean my shower, it was right underneath my need to masturbate in said shower.
I don't have nearly enough visine for the dryness from sticking my head out the window on the freeway for 20 minutes. Child lock me next time.
In a cab. Towels everywhere. Confused.
Trying to take a shit right now to the beat of the fuckin drumcircle outside... It's not goin well
Unless you consider jello shots food the answer is no there is no dinner here. When u get food get more wine too tired of you coming over drinking all my booze and destroying my vagina
And drunk me decided to play keep away with sober me's dignity
end of the world party next friday. virgin sacrifice. tell me you know someone whos still a virgin
Only at Harvard can you walk in on a bunch of stoners and expect everyone to immediately stand up, shake your hand and introduce themselves like we're at a fucking job fair
This is what my life has come to. Like, I may or may not have just stolen pizza from the guy I just hooked up with's fridge when I left...
My ass is in a myriad of pain right now
Lesson learned - Taco Bell before a long night of BDSM is a BAD idea
So she was on top of my phone and somehow called my roommate while I banged her. I picked up and he congratulated me. I was with his sister. I will take this to my grave.
All I want to do is drink an excessive amount of free alcohol bought from strange men, while taking frequent trips to the bathroom to snort an assortment of illicit drugs off dirty toilet seats. Break cannot get here quick enough...
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