whats a polygalesbian?
lesbian polygamists..duh.
the fundamentals of my vasectemy are strong
i just stumbled downstairs, still drunk, to hug my dad and wish him a happy fathers day
but fathers day is next sunday
i realized that after i threw up on his bare feet
her eyes looked like someone had poured fruit punch in them. needless to say we had a good time.
You kept shouting "Relax and take notes" every time before you would hit the blunt
the paramedic just looked at me like "you again?"
Everyone is slow dancing to Aerosmith. I am serenading a slice of pizza.
I vaguely remember stopping for a bag of bugles and some lube and then I woke up this morning with melted chocolate on my hands. I think I love him
My vagina bone hurts from grinding on that dude so hard.
Can you come get Dustin he's putting taco bell fire sauce on cigarettes trying to light them again.
I need to pay that drinking in public ticket, but I also really want to get a spray tan next week... so priorities.
If I send Ben a tit pic but I do it while wearing a Tom Brady mask is that funny or creepy
Because I chose to live vicariously through your uterus and you're letting me down right now.
MDMA, margaritas, mashed potatoes and ice cream aren't keto Kristin
Going back to our hometown to help Gramma move. Thinking we should see if we can fuck on the desk of the homophobic coach who first introduced us while in town.
Randomize
