Just had another dream about being on Real Chance of Love. I think it's a sign.
Going to Kmart high is like jumping in a time machine back to the 80s
People kept wishing me happy birthday last night. apparently i was 21st birthday drunk
Taking a shot for every status related to the patriots losing. Hello hospital.
Mother fucker. I'm a 30J now. I'm fucking speechless
I cannot believe I said bareback movement...
There were slices of bread pasted to the wall with peanut butter this morning. I don't want to know
She's all pretty and bubbly and nice and I'm sitting here stoned looking like Lucifer.
Can I send you a picture of my penis? I feel like it looks really good right now and I need someone to share it with
I'm sorry I peed on the bushes at your law firm. Is there anyway you could defend me for the ticket I'm about to get?
I want Walter White to make me a bologna sandwich while I'm chained to a support
My knees are skinned from sitting on someone's face on concrete
I'll have a whole suitcase of emergency bacon with me obviously
should i feel bad about fucking you on my front lawn the day before you set me up with your best friend?
Maybe singing about how you'd bang Morgan Freeman to the tune of Single Ladies while holding champagne and a box of Cheerios wasn't the best first impression on his parents
Randomize