Please stop trying to convince people that you're retarded and I suck your dick in the same conversation.
I am so horny I keep driving over the rumble strips... best half hour ever.
They want to listen to Lady Gaga while they puke.
She celebrated a negative pregnancy test by going out to Quizno's. I really don't understand her at all.
She took off her pants and it was like seeing an old friend.
Had a farmer come into my class to talk to us today. He apparently met his wife on fb and just thanked jesus for his land. I think I am in the wrong major...
i just called. the lady was really nice. something tells me my schools clinic gets a lot of calls about chlamydia
well she hit her head and had a concussion. i had to make out with her to keep her awake.
He was more tolerable with alcohol in my system. I woke up to him squeezing me and telling me how he wanted to dip me in strawberry jam.
I shit you not, me and my date were in that bar and within a 10 minute window, 4 ex gf's entered. Every one clocked me and gave me evils. I swear they're conspiring.
he told me it was like eating gods vagina.
Yeah, my new jeep also came with custom license plates that read 4SKIIN. Not "4 skin" but "4 skiing" thanks mom and dad
I never realized the effects a broken spine would have on my sex life
You were cussing me out in sign language, and slurring your signs.
That's some kind of record drunk there...
Need ride home. Girls. Stolen keg. Rolling down streets. Horny girls. No condoms. Rescue needed. girls and beer in exchange for rescue and bacon?
I. Hate. You. Where are you, are said girls cute, and how did you know I bought bacon? And how does this always happen to you?
Smarter than the average bear
Randomize