I'm gonna start referring to my vag as my ladygarden
So I have exactly 420 dollars saved up in tips from the past week. I win, and I take that as a sign from god that I am allowed to use that money to buy drugs.
I decided it would be a good time to smoke on one of my deliveries but then I got the munchies and ate a piece of the pizza I was freaking out so I told him it was our new pacman pizza
last night was fun... but i spent all morning tring to get the candle wax out of my chest hair. We did use candles last night?
ha so i just found a picture of you eating paper towels and many of Laura freaking out from it.
My T9 text prediction thing keeps predicting every next word is going to be "midgets".
Just walked in and was handcuffed to a police woman. Fire fighter woman poured franzia down my throat. Aaaaand I just ate cookies off of Little Red Riding Hood's tits.
OMG HAIR ON HIS DICK. HAIR ON HIS DICK AS IN GROWING OUT OF HIS DICK. HAIR.
Kayla got stiches in her face. Rode in an ambulance shotgun. Tried to steal a baby, thought it was mine
I held a cracker & gaterade down for an hour. I feel like this will be my greatest accomplishment of the day.
The first clue should've been that he literally had shit in his hair. How does that even happen?
I think god is proud of me so he is rewarding me in discounted wine
You put your name in his phone but not your number then screamed "Open the door!" and jumped out of the car
Lmao I should put that ad on Craigslist "in need of muscular and determined team of men to carry drunken birthday whore safely home"
How was your day?
Peaceful. I left the house to get paid and get fried chicken.
Randomize
