I thidmdmk you'gre a special person
No, veal is cruel because they chain them down, I'm talking about free range human babys here.
Mr. Last Night just informed me I told him to be very quiet when he left this morning and high-fived him as a goodnight kiss. Drunk me is slutty and manly.
I just saw a commercial for "tickle me elmo hands" and I am almost 100 percent sure that at the end elmo said "yeaaaaa boooyyyyyy"
well after he sqeezed a zit off his forearm i got the hell outta there
it's like iHOP with fire
He wants to know how I lost my bra in his pants....id like to know too
So... Sorry I threw that watermelon at you the other day. I didn't think it would break any bones.
He came for an unexpected visit and let's just say I shattered his illusion that girls don't watch porn
I am here to underwhelm you with my vagina
The fire department told the police that I was inside the burning building trying to pee in the rest of the electrical Outlets. Booyaka.
Dude you were sitting in front of me eating uncooked bow tie pasta...
just wanted to eat pizza off his dick so he let me and he can never forget it
Youre a wreck. Youll be in your dorm weeping to project runway covered in pizza sauce and smelling of stale beer
I woke up in the middle of the night on all fours turning circles in my bed! No more patron for me!
Randomize
