did I really admit that id have sex with that cougar had I been more drunk?...ugh...i need to masterbate more
Left my ID again and at a Giant's game. This is the second time they accepted my handgun safety certificate as proof of ID to buy beer.
positive spin of the day: since my nose is blocked from allergies cleaning the puke this morning was much easier
I knew her barely 30 minutes before we got naked. This whole fraternity thing is starting to grow on me...
he got promoted. that means i have now given my new boss chlaymida. i need a new job.
Night out in new white coat = success. Offered free breast exams all night, two took me up on it, woke up with one. I love medical school!!!
I would like to apologize for asking to take advantage of you, wishing you a horny Hanukkah and whatever "abd ethw prnym to mzbe yur penis cna be friends" means.
You kept mumbling that you could become one with the carpet as you proceeded to give yourself the worst carpet burn I have ever seen
She shit all over my seat. She is not allowed in my car under any circumstances. Not even with drugs. You can't forgive a shit.
I just moonwalked my socks off. THAT LAZY. THAT HIGH.
MDMA IS GREAT AND YOU WERE THE WORST GIRLFRIEND EVER.
Dude, I'm thinking today is Single as Fuck Friday because that's how I'm feeling
Nothing says "Jesus has forgiven your sins" like finding out you're not pregnant on Easter.
No but seriously. Just had a guy lean over and sniff my head like it was a freshly baked pie
I love you, but seriously, that was way too long a thesis on an Arby’s curly fry being wrapped around schlong!
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