You drink too much
No, I drink just the right amount - too often.
Since when do you wear a bracelet?
Not a bracelet. Half a pair of handcuffs
To the person who left a cup of vomit in the bathroom: I commend you for your aim but you are dead to me- not an ideal birthday present.
We have 10 gallons of home brew. And james has an amazonian blow dart weapon that sticks in bags and the wall. Come over
we started the countdown to drunken sledding this weekend.
I think i just fucked the same guy a second time without realizing it....does that make me a good whore or a bad whore???
So in Aca Taco on grad night 1am, this bitch walks in alone drunk as fuck in her gown to the front of the line and says, "I graduated today...thank YOU"
Steve called. He needs me to pick him up. He also asked for a set of his clothes, he can't find them. He is such a strong motivation to stay sober.
I'm sorry I peed on your everything.
Note to self... Do not stick your head in a can of paint and try to paint the walls green with your hair
you know it's a good party when the fucking floor caves in. THE FUCKING FLOOR.
With 4 extra seconds dedicated to the dong.
These kind of text worry me.
I think I need to expose myself to your dog so he knows that I am also a male.
I'm upset for all the future generations who can't drunkenly get cheesy bread
Fuck the system, do you have any medieval weapons?
Randomize
