im so horny i just used my electric toothbrush to masturbate. god help me
I asked her if she watches the office. She said no, but do you watch I'm a celebrity get me outa here? That's when i knew. Deal breaker
Opportunity cost of getting to econ after a night on the town > marginal benefit of attending class
i pounded out a 17-yr-old on saturday night
no, that is not a typo
i turned her down on fri night, googled the state consent laws & then caved on saturday
Just tell him to eat fruit before so it tastes good. Then it's just like shotgunning a smoothie
We decided to play beer pong where the loser had to beer bong a pitcher of beer...people just started losing on purpose. It was a bad idea.
Tonight just feels like one of those I'm going to lose a shoe nights.
You are too young to settle down enjoy your life. The window to get drunk and have casual sex with strangers gets smaller by the day.
I'm currently making some changes in my life. If you don't hear from me anymore, then you're probably one of them. Or I'm dead.
I wish dancing around my house in my bra and underwear to Love Shack whilst eating strawberry cake batter was an acceptable form of exercise.
I woke up to a 3rd person picture of my own dick sent from a 1-800 number..
I don't remember much and some girl almost convinced me to jump off the bridge while she held my stuff...
who sends a dick pic at 3 am on a sunday honestly
seriously. and now it'll take him hours to clean up the glitter
Would it be rude to use my vibrator? like he forfeited his right to be mad when he left me orgasmless...right?
My car insurance payment showed up today, so no inflatable hot tub for now. Sorry to disappoint.
Randomize
