I bet him anal if they won...the one time Detroit decides to win, it had to be this week
I feel like im in a tornado of daylight savings, tequila and death
The sound guy for the band told me id make a great valentines gift for his bisexual girlfriend
It is scary how often "just flash him" is your advice.
She whispered into my eat that she wanted me to fuck her while her parrot watched...
im destined to be single forever. i hope its okay if your kids come and hang out with my cats.
He told me he wanted to show me something beautiful, then just started peeing off the bridge into oncoming traffic
I had 800 mg of ibuprofen 2 b vitamins and I'm pounding water like I'm trying to win a hazing
be proud. or at least amused. an 18 yr old and a 25 yr old at least makes my average hookup age this week the same as my age.
He must have sensed I was about to trade him in...he's really stepped up his sex game
Remember how he wouldn't sleep with me "out of respect"? Well, Mr. Respect just fingered me in a parking garage.
She had a tattoo of Luke Bryan on her thigh and she made me waffles. Can I have two fiancees?
He held my hair back for me while i vomited in my driveway last night and i repayed him by farting mid-heave.
and i thought it was paint or jizz but it was cheese
please tell me you didnt taste test that
HE IS. YOU SHOULD TOUCH HIS BACK.
IT IS A COURTSHIP RITUAL.
THE MUTUAL BUTT TOUCH IS SACRED.
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