Why is it that every time I type the word "give" my phone spells out HIV?! You know how many people i've told I want to HIV them something!
it was like weight watchers had a halloween party.
Everytime I cough, my tampon falls out a little bit. Does this mean I'm loose?
Woke up to a huge puddle of water in the living room floor, apparently I made an indoor snowman.
I think he's on the stoner protein diet. I just saw him, at 3 am, spreading mayo on a slice of deli ham and sprinkling salt on top.
all i care about is the story behind my toaster ending up in the microwave
I don't think my prof knows we've noticed her No Bra Fridays.
we went 3 years between hookups and she got a lot better. Amanda's moving way up the booty call pecking order.
We did hand stand push-ups while beer bonging. Its now a thing
Hahaha idk what's worse your life or my hangover.
I don't think my professor is going to remember the Halloween party... or the fact that he made out with a priest.
I found your missing hash cookies. Fuck you and I'm sorry but there are only 2 left. I already had the munchies.
Don't go to jail over some guy named Bunky
My uterus just tried to get me to buy a tub of cookie dough
I didn’t spend $100 for a wax to sit here and listen to you FT your brother to complain about how bad the Jets are.
Randomize
