Apparently throwing up on your own cape is still a party foul
how are pickles made is in the google history again... why do you always wonder that, and forget the answer?
You know you're a nerd when you lose track of how many times you've gotten turned on watching Glee.
Im doing shots of vodka in the bathroom covered in pillows.
Tornado warnings are fun!
All I know is she had me sitting on the kitchen floor with her little Pomeranian eating potato chips And shredded cheese. I don't even know dude. I don't even know.
how the hell did this chicken wing end up in my cast?!
I love our strategizing... I wish we used the same passion for planning our lives and future that we use for planning our drunken escapades... We would both be doctors by now, I swear
Gym?
Sweet baby Jebus, no. I'm Motley Crue hungover. This must be how it feels to rail a line of ants.
So looks like I applied to adopt a dog last night. I'm completely ok with this
I don't listen when you talk. I just try to find new creative ways to get you to send me naked pictures.
I am in a hotel room with 10 people. John is in bed eating an industrial sized pan of mashed potatoes. I think a non insignificant number of people saw my nipples.
Got another job?
If by job you mean clever way of getting free tattoos, then yes. I got another job.
Themes for tonight: men who look like bill Gates but sing smash mouth songs. Women who's names are also food. Haircuts that DO NOT cover bald spots.
His dad was on the tv delivering the local 11 o' clock news while we were having sex
I am naked and annoyed.
Randomize
