Cleveland boys shit in their own pumpkins in their own living room. Got pictures to prove it.
Seriously, stop peeing all over the toilet seat. It looks like movie theatre butter.
Her face just looks like a massive mistake. That's the only legitimate description I can say about it
She cheated on me with the same state trooper that wrote me a ticket.
I guess now you have a way to keep your license when you bring that up in court.
Dude, you are the most awesome.
Thou shall not celebrate other people's birthdays as if they were thy own
You threw up? Were you ladylike while you did it? I'm wagering that you were. Like a Disney princess. Like a "Puke Me Pretty" Barbie.
well, I was going to forgive her anyway but not because shes my best friend and moreso because shes my drug dealer
We shaved off his eyebrows I'm pretty sure his fiance will be thrilled at the wedding
I left my pipe in my center console with a bowl packed when I took my car to the shop, and when I picked it up the weed had been smoked, but my oil change was only half price.
People around me are just doing lines of cocaine. Like its no big deal. And I'm just here like.... Y'all want some cheezits?
i just wrote an ode to an enchilada dorito. i'll need that pregnancy test now please.
The last thing I remember was wearing a sombrero and trying to do cartwheels in the club
You did one successfully. Then smashed into the wall
the other day i was so high i found pages and pages of pictures of HD hamburgers and patriotic music. bong rips for merica.
I'm currently in h&m wondering "what exactly is the class level of a swingers resort?"
I cannot belive our party caught on fire
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