Just realized after we're done pre-gaming for St. Patricks Day, we have March Madness, the first day of spring, and Easter to pre-game for. March is a great month.
The story about him having a girlfriend changed real fast when he found out that I was a gymnast
We raised our shot glasses and you screamed out "TO MY DAD FINALLY GOING TO REHAB!"
Well my door is unlocked for you, I'll be in the bathtub drinking a pre-mixed bottle of margarita until I forget the degree to which my life sucks.
I was giving this guy head and he stopped me to look me in the eyes and say "you have a gift"
I have a gyno appt today. I hate it when the Army gets involved with my vagina.
Got to the gym, getting changed, found a jello shot in my shoes.
I'm sorry, you might have to start setting aside some time in your day for my pussy.
Am I not being subtle enough by giving him a rainbow striped bong, during PRIDE MONTH?
Tequila ran out around 11 so she let them do body shots of chips and guacamole instead
If I send Ben a tit pic but I do it while wearing a Tom Brady mask is that funny or creepy
every day is bullshit and fuck everyone. That's my motto for the week
So I think I've successful blown my foot off in a way that's going to make you call me an idiot.
In the officer's defense, I was indeed pantless at the time he cuffed me, but there's a perfectly good explanation.
My nipples are raw, I've yet to go to bed, I feel like death, and I'm at work. Thank you jack, crown, and Lafayette!
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