Is he smart?
Why would i know that. That would deal with the top half of his body. I only deal with the bottom half.
i just got painted green i'm not about to leave for anything
at one point last night, you were literally auctioning me off. "reeeally drunk hot girl ! we'll start the bidding at an ice cold corona. oh, we have a bidder! do i hear a shot of whiskey? going once, going twice.."
youre welcome
Just been one of those weeks where alcohol out weighs friendship
I'm at breakfast at my kid's school and I have noted at least 3 other parents with last night's red wine mouth and bleary eyes. I don't know why I always get so paranoid.
You kept asking the bartender if you could "buy a dollar".
Mehhh. I just tried to type 'extremely', and it auto corrected to 'creek rot'. IT KNOWS WHAT I LOOK LIKE
I woke up with my name tag for work still on my shirt. It was a rough night.
I tried to feed the cat bread. I told her it was the body of Christ. That seemed to work.
You don't have a cat...
Helped a guy at work today that did nothing but stare at my chest....safe to say the Girls were looking G.O.O.D. today.
He went down on me while i ate a whole 7/11 pizza. New level unlocked
I had sex on a seadoo on the middle of the lake lastnight
How can I prove that I give 401k advice and not handjobs?
You were sober bartending last night right?
Sorta. I remember you crying, ripping rose petals off the flower stem and slowly sprinkling them behind the bar at me and singing softly
Romantic
Did u find my other sock in your bra? U said u were uneven so I did the gentlemanly thing.
Randomize
