sometimes i wish i was the girl in a porno. that way if i couldn't get any, i'd just order a pizza and do him.
just put cider in my bong. gotta love fall
We were so tired we rock paper scissored for who would be on top. I won.
tip of the day : never have sex with a full bladder. it WILL lead to complications and a very unhappy partner.
Don't worry about it. I've taken so much Plan B, my uterus is purely for show now.
It's only 10 in the morning...josh is already on the way to the ER for trying to shotgun a beer with a sparklers sticking out of it on fire.
Dude between pissing everywhere and all of those frogs, that bathroom got wrecked.
my mom found me passed out in the kitchen floor with the Brita pitcher.. Happy Mothers Day
We need to go back to the barter system so I can sell my body and just be done with it.
First of all you can never say anal too much. Second I now think you're a total gentleman.
Rarely has that paragraph ever been put together
Jerry got outside again, i found him making dirt angels in the garden. I need to put a bell on that bastard.
I have alcoholic tendencies but you know what? College
Girl this is ridiculous I told my self that I would stop having sex in stairwells yet it keeps happening
Bruh. He just said the words "cyber sex"-is it 1999?
I was giving this fat lawyer a table dance and he asked me if I would be willing to play with his long, hard stick of the law. And you want me to stop drinking at work?
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