I just met lou reed's venus in furs. Her hands are slippery.
living well may be the best revenge, but it doesn't hurt that my exhusband is now dating a BEAST.
I woke up with a flask of whiskey and a mason jar full of sausage in my tux jacket. south georgia is where i belong
"Students using Axe body spray to light selves on fire" is a real headline from a real newspaper. WHY AREN'T WE DOING THIS RIGHT NOW?
He sent me a pic and IT CURVED OUT OF THE PICTURE! Curved. Out. Of. The. Picture.
I just noticed my teeth are no longer straight. Wondering if anyone had an explanation.
so I'm coping with getting the "I'm not over my ex" bomb dropped on me by getting drunk and yelling at people while wearing a purple princess hat
i just keep picturing us drunk surrounded by kittens.
And I might get them triple pierced after that
Damn, I didn't realize you'd declared war on airport metal detectors
Apparently I called him, said "vodka" and then hung up on him.
I think we can say happy hour is successful when you have frosting and southern comfort in your hair.
We kept having to tell you that you couldn't just sit wherever you wanted at Walmart. Sitting in the middle of the raw meat section was unacceptable and children were staring at you.
Today has been hell. Also I saw a dead man's penis. It's safe to say I will be getting very drunk tonight.
I cant wait to tell our kids we met because you subscribed to my onlyfans.
If work found out I was using THEIR paper to write Karate Kid fanfic I'd never hear the end of it.
Randomize
