Me. At least after what I've been through.
Remember that dream I told you about where I shit out my own skeleton? I had it again last night.
An eyelash just fell out into my container of rice. Searching for it, i took a single piece of rice out at a time coming to the coclusion that i should not be this high while eating rice.
they almost convinced me to put "Funbags" in the 'other names you may be known as' section of the job application
If by any chance I go to the hospital make sure you stuff a pint in my pockets so I can keep up.
You are NEVER going to guess whose penis was JUST in my mouth!!!
I'll give you a hint, we ate paste with him in kindergarten.
Also I had a dream we made my birth control into a joint. What does that mean?
I'm trying to decide whether it's worth it to masturbate in this gas station bathroom
Another memory: We offered for a stranger to live in our house under the condition that he took the garbage out because it's a 'blue' job.
We are the best.
Ps. We need to take the garbage out.
This is where you say "Why yes we will drink with reckless abandon and hopefully not be in a church parking lot again."
Finding that toy duck there was weird right?
I just hit your bf in the face with a mustard bottle and the guy at the table next to us bowed down to me.
IT'S FUCKING BABY SEASON ON FACEBOOK. MY VAGINA WANTS TO THROW UP
Ive realized that in order for me to understand math, my professor has to be hot.
I really need to stop having sex.. I haven't been able to get a brush through the back of my hair for a good week and a half
If sleeping with your boss doesnt scream job security i dont know what does.
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