my hangover today makes thursday's feel like a bubble bath.
I heard you threw up in your lap?
I heard that too.
omg. why did you never tell me how amazing shitting and smoking is?
i thought this knowledge was automatically promulgated at the age of eighteen?
he has 3 profile pictures up and all of them are him riding jet skis
I consider it a successful poop when you only have to wipe once.
No jewlry, no bra, and no pen. I couldnt be more prepared for a friday morning class.
He bought me a pink rose and a Plan B. I really like this guy.
Just made a list of all the guys I've hooked up with. "Roofie tattoo eyelids", "xanex night guy", "rainy concert", "cory blanket" and "naked hottub guy" made it.
It's take your daughter to work day... I really shouldn't be here right now
He Dutch ovened me while I was hiding under the covers from his mom. Needless to say it did not end well.
My brother is chasing tequila with vodka. Not sure how it will turn out, but I like his style.
And the sexual frustration is like I'm wearing a damn horcrux
Why are my jeans soaking wet and smell like chlorine??
Bc u told a stranger in the hotel "I have sinned' and made him get into the hotel fountain and "baptize u". I've got a vid
He told me he was cooking me a special dinner tonight. His "five star meal" was popcorn in champagne glasses, and chic fil a sauce in jello shot containers to dip the popcorn in. He still tries to convince me he doesn't smoke weed anymore.
Ugh. All the good hoes are in their third trimester.
Randomize