Not sure what happened last night, but there are four mini bikes outside and some guy is wearing my shirt passed out in the breakfast nook. Won't be telling the grand kids about this one.
Her life has all the ingredients for a how to book: Making Your Life an Epic Fail
All I'm saying, is that being compared to a Muppet is not the end of the world.
ask if his dick looks like a sausage. alex's bro told me that's a sure sign. btw took pain pills. maybe shouldn't listen to me.
Nah, lets use your guy, my drug dealer is going all pineapple express on me
What's the most polite way to ask if you puked in my vase?
The slutty girl scout law, revised for halloween 10: on my honor i will try, to serve my vagina and my shot glass. To hold back friends hair at all voming moments and to live by the sluttly girl scout law.
Got hereat 8. Had 6 beers 2 shots and a game of diZZY BATOS
Dude, for your own safety, do not bring that chick home. I'm pretty sure you're going to find a marsupial pouch smuggling a fresh batch of herpes under that hoodie. Bail bail bail bail bail.
i showed up sober to class for the first time. my prof said that i was "off my game today". i love philosophy
Mm. I just want to eat pancakes off of his fine ass.
I woke up with a stapler in my ass. Don't even complain to me.
Unfortunately i'm awake, hungover, and covered in something I'm pretty sure is Easy Cheese. Send help.
1) break up with him. 2) feel bad. 3) fuck some other guy. 4) feel better. Boom! Life plan. You're welcome.
Get here now. There’s a guy dressed as Captain Morgan handing out miniature bottles of Captain Morgan.
Randomize
