i just fingered the ice cream at home instead of getting a spoon
been there done that
Best text conversation ever. Other than the one we had about using blood for lube.
I hate drunken dyslexia, i thought she said "someone to do" not "something to do" long story short i now have a restraining order.
his genitalia just looks like a thumbs up. a really really small thumbs up.
Hey. I thought you were saving your 80s playlist til marriage.
Lest we forget our veterans. Also that two years ago I lost my virginity on this day in a hot tub. Go me for being the worst person on earth.
Dude. There are selfies on my phone of me, wide-eyed, sucking my pillow. We did NOT split that bag 50/50.
And then he dove into my vagina like scrooge mcduck into a room of gold
I think "we've never met sober" is a great relationship to have with someone
The cop said he like my hair today. Please explain all other interactions with law enforcement, k thanks
I was going to say "wearing plaid doesn't make you gay, I wear plaid!" but then... heavy sigh
Yeah i like want to be friends with him. And if we have sex in the physics library well thats fine with me
Hey I just woke up in the back of a pickup truck parked at taco bell... Can u come get me?
Did I just pee in the Taco Bell parking lot?
Yep. But do you remember wiping with my quesadilla?
Seriously considering taking a nap at lunchtime in my car. That. Hung. Over.
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