dude, the summer is killing me. i just woke up cause my balls were stuck to HER leg!
So she said grabbing my cock was like holding a giant crayola from pre-school.
that was the beginning of the end.
We can grow old together and our livers can fail together
She told me to stuff her like a turkey. She actually yelled happy thanksgiving.
Can you do me a favor and fuck someone with a car so I can get a ride home?
have the fact that the early bird is danced upon by the prettiest strippers be your motivation
I also like to call Halloween "Mystery Fuck Day"
Ran out of deodorant. Febreze on a paper towel? Kicking college's ass.
The last person that asked me out got pushed down an escalator
They had like literally all the dildos. It looked like a seance for dick. I left the apartment and haven't been back.
No, not if I told them not to. they listen to me. I have a vagina.
My cats name is now jello shot. How much do you love me right now?
Dude. why do I feel like I am cheating on you every time I do shrooms?
Which one have i been cheating ON and which one have i been cheating WITH if i met them the same night & have been dividing time equally?
Girl in front of me just swan dove into the middle of the carpeted hallway, stood up, clapped for herself, and then continued walking. My life is complete.
Randomize