She had a bottle of NAIR in her bathroom, but she clearly hadn't been using it.
I know we had a good night last night because his turtle was half asleep chewing on the used condom.
I watched her choke out a bouncer with the broken strap from her purse, I think shes the one.
drunkie insisted on stuffing the rest of his scrambled eggs in his pockets before we left ihop. we really should have left a better tip
And nobody saved him?? That chick had like three teeth TOPS
I was more concerned about the amount of mcdonalds fries on the floor around me than i was with my lack of clothes.
At least you got some premium homework time. Still drinking vodka from a coffee cup?
I switched to water. When the numbers get blurry you are no longer being productive.
I just had a full choir singing the phrase pudding cup in my head. Too. Stoned.
He told me my outfit made me look like a twelve year old then proceeded with "but you don't look like a whore"
And literally 4loko margaritas are callin my name. They're like "Hey girl come on over here I'll make you forget about grades and boys and it'll be a good idea to send everyone 55 snapchats of your cleavage" ok
THE HALLOWEEN QUEST WILL BE PICS OF US IN OUR COSTUMES IN EXCHANGE FOR DICK PICS. IT HAS BEEN DECIDED.
I love getting kicked out of places. Its like winning a little league game
Do you think I could use my teacher of month Award to get free drinks?
New strategy for telling if someone is drunk: will they attempt to drink a candle if you put a straw in it?
omg girl... i cut your hair last night. tell me it looks okay!? i saw hair on the counter and i said ohhh nooo
Randomize
