i just spent an hour trying to convince my blind date that star wars is better than star trek. help me
I'd be more interested in girls if they were more interested in anal.
My sheets, bed, and bathroom are covered in blood. She needed 14 stitches after a trip to ER. This is the last white girl I ever hookup with.
Im blasting "Fat Bottom Girls" as loud as humanely possible in attempts that old ladies doing water aerobics will take the hint and get the fuck out of the pool.
I am never taking advice from you again. The high heels in the shower were a bad idea. I orgasmed and almost drowned.
I have just figured that it takes exactly 2 and a half rums to clean the bathroom..
So I come back home and a huge flock of enormous vultures are on my roof
They're waiting for you to die
I'm putting my hangover kit in my car for the trip to work tomorrow morning. Dedication
Aaaaaaaand dick pic. God bless america, and god bless tinder.
It's like if you wanna bond just do a ropes course or have group sex you don't have to be weird about it
So I scratched the whole boyfriend plan and got wasted. Wanna try again tomorrow?
Like I’ve seen him completely trashed and I’ve also seen him rip shirtsleeves off with his teeth and I can’t tell if I’m intrigued or not
There's a Russian superstition that you'll spend your year the way you celebrate New Year's, so I'm honestly not that surprised you're drunk.
Happiness is laying in bed, topless, pouring 4 packs of hot sauce on your taco bell.
mother daughter bonding time. she's helping me make jello shots.
Randomize
