the family i'm sitting with looks like the Addams family. Except for the daughter...she looks like Shrek
I wont touch it. I promise i wont touch it. JUST GET UNDER THE DAMN TABLE PLEASE.
So then I sent a pic msg of the Magnum XL box to her friend
last time I sleep in the lobby. woke up to some girl asking me what floor I lived on. somebody put me, couch included, on the elevator.
Just had to explain to a senior manager why I had duct tape residue on my wrist and hand. This weekend was a success.
just 'accidentally' changed my relationship status to 'in an open relationship' just to see what offers I might get if I were to dump him. it's not looking good
during a bj, his alarm went off and he said "At the buzzer"
He drew a bath for me. It was only cute until he started throwing in celery and calling me soup.
They actually said and I quote "it definitely looks like your knees went through some over usage"
I just ran into mom and dad day drinking at the bar while I skipped class and was day drinking at the same bar.
"Work from home" is code for "morning drinks" right?
He asked me what I wanted for Christmas. I told him an orgasm would be nice.
So his dick was definitely bigger than it looked in all the pictures he sent my daughter.
I went to my AA meeting last night. My drug dealer is now my counselor.
remind me again why we thought drinking hungarian moonshine was a good idea
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