I told him I had my daily dose of vitamin c so i wouldn't blow him
it was all downhill after the free blackjack taco
i cant do it anymore.. every time this girl orgasms she sounds like a motorcycle
Wanna hang out? my DILF had to dip out for his sons little league game
Next Halloween, remind me to find a different wingman. Walking out in your pirate costume talking like Captain Ahab while i was banging her and telling me I had to harpoon the white whale really pissed her off.
That's the kind of activity you can only get away with by wearing a lion codpiece
All's fair in love and war. and tinder.
Well after we were arrested you just kept chanting "Like a good neighbor state farm is there"
If you bet guys that you can drink them under the table they will pay for your drinks all night until they pass out. I have this down to a science that I think even my dad would appreciate.
I gave him head during Pitch Perfect 2, I felt like the Bella's were cheering me on with their back up tunes
I really don’t want to have kids.
I thought we agreed we were done with dirty talk for the day
STOP IT RIGHT NOW IM BEING A SINLESS CHILD OF GOD IN BED TRYING TO SLEEP AND YOURE SENDING ME MEMES ABOUT DICKS
My car insurance payment showed up today, so no inflatable hot tub for now. Sorry to disappoint.
Stories. There's stories.
MEGHAN YOU'VE BEEN THERE FOR 20 MINUTES
Woke up with a $100 bill from the Philippines in my bra & an unopened box of sour patch kids next to me. I have some questions.
Randomize
