she kept yelling 'call me bella'
i flashed his best friends last night
you always were good at making good first impressions
the paramedic just looked at me like "you again?"
There is a mosh pit in our kitchen. You better hurry.
i woke up wearing her shoes. this night isn't going on my highlight reel
I don't even know what beauty is right now. I wouldn't even pity fuck me today.
Some random walked into our tent, woke her up and said "Harry Potter must not go back to Hogwarts!"
New reason to drink: alcohol makes soda taste like goddamn gold.
I mean there are things broken right and left, I woke up surrounded by dog statues, and we had a vodka bubble bath.
Those tiny little fruit fly looking mofos. They fly past the phone and I grabbed them like Daniel-San
he left a full can of coors light underneath my windshield wiper, like a love note. if that's not husband material, i don't know what is
No I kepy moaning and just called out a name to make them believe I was actually having sex instead of masturbating.
HE LEFT ME THE DAY AFTER I LET HIM PEE ON ME. If you date him after that, I'll leave the fucking PLANET.
I went to watch porn and there's already 3 Santa videos. Happy November 1st.
I associate the Game of Thrones theme song with his dick now.
Randomize
