i just spent an hour trying to convince my blind date that star wars is better than star trek. help me
three guys just busted into my bio lecture, yelled "happy st. patrick's day!", downed jagerbombs, and left.
she woke up, said "please dont tell me your name, i dont want to remember it"
It went from "haha, this will be funny" to "full blown anime porn fetish"
your dad just showed up on the golfcart with a keg. i. love. our. neighborhood.
I vaguely remember taking a shit behind the shed before I started puking over the fence. No more Xanax.
I mean besides the fact someone got stabbed, I still had a pretty good night.
Drinking Hot Toddies on the Porch and blasting bob dylans "hurricane" bring it on sandy!
On the plus side, I got cel phone video of a major fox news host doing coke.
I spent most of the stoned conversation with my dad proving to him that the Newfoundland is an actual dog and NOT a Snuffaluffagus-esque figment of my stoned imagination, while laughing over the fact there is actually a place caller Dildo, Canada. Have YOU taken time to be a good dad today?
He said he discovered the mysteries of the universe inside an orange... I want whatever he was on.
He slapped my ass... He best ask me out. Or figure out how to unslap my ass.
I came home braless and wearing a tail....
Look at us. Planning our business meeting. Including snacks like shrooms & trail mix.
Dude i woke up today by a pile of fried chicken and wearing a bra
.......stop going to frat parties....
Randomize
