I really wish I could go back in time to change the course of events that led to me sitting on the internet at 3 Googling 'Traumatic masturbation' while talking to you about failed dates, and running a virtual restaurant in a video game.
theres a middle aged lesbian couple holding hands on the bus and a 17 or 18 year old christian girl visibly staring freaked out and audibly praying about it
I call biggest shit show at the party. I welcome all challengers.
My main thought on the Olympics: I need LESS cowbell.
the facebook you made of my ass has 10 times more friends than i do.
Sorry you had to see that, but on the bright side...at least I trust you enough to have sex in front of you
fyi, she knows we call her the sperm bank. watch your back.
this is worse than the time i threw up a condom.
We interrupt your regularly scheduled Saturday morning programming with this important announcement: you are not the father. I repeat not the father. Congratulations and have a nice day.
I'm at work, and just realized I the beer smell I keep getting random whiffs of is my bra. I fail at life.
Tell her this is the Disneyland of penises.It's a magical place everyone should visit once in their life.
Should I tell this TSA agent his fly is down while he is trying to hit on this chick?
He told me that he'd ride his snowmobile from Cincinnati to Toledo in this blizzard just so I could give him head.
That’s true love. If they recognize a chocolate mold of your anus.
Straight boys are literally imbeciles. If Darwinism doesn’t get them female rage will.
Randomize
