I have never pre-planed for a better sober morning than lacing my muffin batch with tylenol.
he left me a 6 minute video of him peeling a clementine listening to justin bieber
its like national bring your ginger to the pool day or something
Been considering the feasibility of adopting a kangaroo. Yes I'm very serious. And yes I'm very high.
She wore that goddamn strap-on all night. When she was playing guitar hero it kept getting in the way but she just wouldn't take it off.
You know were out to late when I call my hook up at 8:08pm and 8:08am in the same night.
I can always tell I missed tequila night based on the hickeys on your neck man. Fucking call me.
walk of shame to my ortho appointment. kids are staring. this little girl just asked her mom if she can havr glitter in her hair too.
It's kind of like, standing in a garage and pretending you're a car. Except you're naked.
It wasn't good. I can tell by the way he fucks me he watched too much porn
Just applied for assistance with paying my hospital bill from my alcohol poisoning at age 16 while still a little drunk from last night. What is my life.
Circle of life?
Welp, I've officially cried in every Chipotle bathroom in the city. Correlation or causation?
Only you can make me eat tacos in your car, while naked, on a dead end road in a ditch on a Thursday night.
You'll pass into the great gay beyond
Where it rains cosmopolitans and scantily clad gogo dancers of all genders direct traffic
Thursday is not a good day to become a felon... It's bingo night
Randomize