yo i have your phone
... oh so you probably won't get this message
This kristen chick is fuckin nuts. She's pyscho. She's a trainwreck. She carries baggage. She's... Perfect.
i woke up this morning in my bathroom,naked, with my boxers around my face and puke and shit on the floor and wondering why i didn't have a toenail on my one big toe.
compared to you, a hobo is quite responsible.
apparently i peed in my fridge last night because my vegetable drawer was filled with it.
It was some time between the gurgles of her blowing me to us throwing up in the same bucket afterwards that I realized we would be doing this a lot.
still using moms red Christmas cookie plate she sent to cut lines on. not sure I can return with a clear conscious
don't worry about it. We passed around the "get jeff bail" can 10 min. After you left. We currently have around $400. May I say that people here at the dorms really love you.
she gave me head while wearing a sombrero and told me it was her "welcome to south of the border" blowjob. i am never leaving mexico.
Trust me man, I did not put any cookies down your pants when you slept.
Yes, he did use his cock to direct traffic from my 3rd story window. That's why I love him
Yeah i was handcuffed to the bed all night but i actually slept like a baby
I think I'm going to add the date I dumped his sorry ass as a life event on FB.
I think that's justified.
Dreamt I had my own personal vibrator rep, who made house calls. I earned an upgrade to an electric model, since I was burning through batteries. That's it. Time for a bf.
there is a tent in the living room. its a vip tent room. i want in.
you were just in my dream and you looked at me and said "Christmas is cold." I think you're wasted even in my dreams.
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