mutual masturbation is only cool if cash money records is involved.
I may or may not have eaten the rest of your birthday cake last night after getting blazed and watching harry potter.
i think you have the wrong number
so then it wasn't your birthday cake. k, cool.
I just walked into his bathroom to see two poops floating... no toilet paper. WTF!?
my brother is a facebook fan of two things: God, and Rhianna. if he's not a prime example of the rare "baptist closeted gay," i don't know who is.
Your dignity remains intact. He, on the other hand, is completely convinced he slept with your cat.
there was a sad and surprising lack of "did strippers and blow" in that sentence
I DO NOT KNOW WHO SHE IS, WE HAVE NO MORE FRUIT, SHE CAN'T STAY HERE.
Put some vodka in it
Its 7am
put some vodka in it
ted dressed as a cardinal led an expedition across campus. i felt like one of the 12 apostles.
all a girl really needs is a few good pair of leggings and a drug dealer that delivers.
So I pass out narcotics if its a girl?
I cant believe you made me read bad furry sexts
where are you?
two trains and a bus walk of shame. so not worth it.
You're lucky I'm holding your vagina in my best interests
If I don't wake up tomorrow you inherit my paycheck and can only spend it at cinnabon
Randomize
