I thought spray tan was a myth
?
You know, something that only happens in Jersey
i just hugged the lady at the liquor store goodbye for the summer...
btw i have an angry voicemail of you yelling at me to get you a sandwich or die.
im gonna call it quits for tonight... I am so drunk I dont even have the motor skills to masturbate
you never texted me what you wanted from the store so I got a piece of chicken and bottle of tequila. if you want anything else you are on your own.
I'm expecting you to come by soon and a magical night of sex and floating on clouds to follow.
Im pretty sure that girl just said "Im taking you home even if your girlfriend has to come too." Why are we here again?
Someone posted a printout of my tits on my door this morning! Where did they get this photo!?!
fuck it. im taking monday off to do some Jagering.
No dude, I'm not naming my kid after your beard
Pretty sure I'm about to get another tattoo. It'll have mom in there somewhere for Mother's Day.
I like that our conversation ended with "im gonna go get pregnant goodnight"
Then he said,"I love you like a sister I like to have sex with."
PS I almost downloaded grindr to see if any guys wanted to buy me chinese food..
Is it sacrilegious to take tequila shots on Saint Patrick's day?
Randomize
