I fuked that chick last night and she kept saying, "oh...oh....oh", like Bill Lumberg
so what did you do?
I did the mash I did the monster mash It was a graveyard smash!
Passed out for 3 hrs til now to wake up naked on my bed covered with grass from drunk slip and slide I would call that success
He googled "how long will i be drunk" and just started crying
There's a 24 hour period after giving head where you can't eat penis shaped food without me laughing at you
It's like he's trying to get head in every car except his.
'Twas I. Do you have any idea what it's like waking up to see you sent a text inviting someone to partake in "sexy rumpus?"
Ive seen his manscaping faults. Given the choice I'd rather dry hump a cactus
the manly guy you want to date so badly? he's at the club. as a drag queen. wearing higher heels than you own. think about that.
She just shoved like three McNuggets in her mouth and started sobbing and I have no idea what's going on.
I wasn't that drunk, I know my limits. When peeing became difficult I stopped taking shots.
Hey sorry for being annoying last night, I just realized how many times I yelled "JORDAN!" during and after playing pong.
its not everyday you see batman on the ground with someone riverdancing on his face bourbon street never disappoints
And here I thought that was one nut sack too many
I found a bar with Metallica and a fire eater. I'm home
At least I’m an “essential employee” and can still bang my boss. \n\nFingers crossed my husband doesn’t ask why I’m essential, the orgasms are too good to give up during this pandemic
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