yo I wanna see you, bring that beard of yours
Needless to say when I told my parents they loved me less
fun fact: cucumber in vinegar with pepper = best ever high snack
Weird shit dude, I just realized that the girl I fucked last night looks like Shaun White's twin sister. I dunno if I should be scared or turned on
I hope her Double McTwist was as good as his
Convinced the domino's pizza delivery person to go to shaws and buy me a bottle of wild turkey. For america.
She said " I'm going to get her back one day soon for putting extacy in my pop while I drove her to whislter" just a heads up.
So on a scale of 1 to Friendship-Over, how mad would you be if a rando I brought home sharted on the shag carpet in the living room?
You just can't come from being "the girl who shit her pants."
Had a crazy moment last night. Had to get up, run to bathroom, pop 3 Xanax, sit on bathroom floor and rock myself in fetal position. Not my best moment.
Be my booze princess bebe. I'll rescue you from the lame tidings you are confined to up in the sober castle.
It's probably not healthy how legit bummed I am that my bottled of wine is gone.
There it is. Caramel-coated dick. Someone is getting a yeast infection later.
I remember being like "I can't hold both of you guy's hair back!" so I put headbands on each of you
Dude you were so wasted you thought a fake electric candle was real and tried to light your cig with it. Multiple times.
How did I get home last night?
We put your keys on a lanyard that asked anyone that found you to bring you home. A nice man in a cape, green shorts and a mesh shirt dropped you off this morning.
Oh. Yeah. Riiiggghhht
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