Too bad my picture didn't come thru. It was one of me naked riding a unicorn with a wizard hat and a magic staff. And the unicorn had wings. And me too.
Literally getting boned by my flask right now. I didn't really think about this whole sneaking past security in a skin tight dress.
This kind of poor decision making requires a real cup, not a mason jar.
So many stories. To uyou are sober. I heart you though. Jesus. Dirrty dancing jusyt came oine!!no. Lie.
and then you started talkingabout how you wish birth control was disspensed as a candy necklace
it's my favorite when the couple downstairs are having sex so loud that i feel like I'm part of a threesome
second-hand sex is fun, isn't it?
i'm pretty sure i can feel a baby kicking just looking at him. if he didnt impregnate you, you officially have an iron-clad uterus.
ok. i'm ready for you to come back and test the structural integrity of this futon.
Apparently coming home smelling like I took a bath in beer is frowned upon in this household. I'm so glad I don't actually live here.
Who shows up to work two weeks ago still drunk and freshly high on blow and gets a promotion and a raise? This girl. Good at business. Super good at being fucked up.
We were sitting outside of the building and he literally just walked up with no pants on. This is the best college ever
I guess I was blacked out I hopped a fence and hugged a cow that night.
AND I HAVE A NICE COCK! A STRIPPER TOLD ME SO IT MUST BE TRUE!
if you want the landscaping job, the uniform is a speedo. no exceptions.
No. It's going to be "I'm mad that it took you so long to get over here" angry sex.
Randomize
