booty call
i swear to god if you come over i will kick you in the pussy.
Tampa is so boring. I'm dying. I want lots of cleavage at my funeral. If i cant get laid, i want my friends to. I'm that kind of person
I woke up hungover and opened my laptop to find that i had googled alcoholism again
MRIs the morning after St. Patty's Day was a poor choice.
It's like I paid NJ Transit $33 to suck his dick and go home. Fuck that.
A letter to the campus apologizing for being sucha cunt with a picture of her head on it. All posted around campus.
His roommates came in and started a dance party in his room while we were having sex. He said it wasnt the first time.
Well then sir I'll probably see you tomorrow after my class and at 3 with your clothes off. Sounds like a solid way to start the weekend to me
There is no such thing as a great breathalizer story. That isn't a thing that exists.
It's all fun and games until your AARP eligible neighbors end up blacking out in your yard at 5pm with a box of franzia. I'm feeling a great year ahead
And they have kittens that decided that boobs are apparently the best arena for king of the hill...
our relationship was basically a one night stand, with a three week long, morning after
His pillow talk sucks. It was like Mr. Roger's vagina.
She answered the door wearing a basket, said it was the only clean thing she had.
He poured champagne on my pussy while he ate me out. I found my unicorn.
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