this girl looks like the female version of brooke hogan
He told me to fart on his lap because the vibrations turned him on
is 1am too late, or too early to make bacon?
you lied. pity sex is amazing.
After walking in on us in the living room, he still insisted that he slept in my bed with me afterwards.
Hold on there are flying pancakes I can't handle this right now
By the way, I got bored last night and just started putting my balls on every object in your room. One at a time.
somedays, I wish the drugs you give me would convince me they were a bad idea preingestion.
where's the fun in that?
We were dancing and she was clawing my stomach like a fat kid getting to a half broken pinata.
Its fiiine, tuesday is like the thursday of wine wednesday. And i mean, free beer for girls at the grove...im not NOT gonna take that offer up!
Look at your life. Look at your choices.
You're fucking beautiful as shit and we should have loving sex...
I'm not judging you. Just know that you could be Queen of The World. Instead you're 5:28 p.m ponging. I hope you're at least winning
Dude, he wouldn't have sex with me during halftime cause we were rooting for different teams and that would be "bad juju", I had to settle for 69.
So this morning everyone commended me for puking over the porch. No one else made it that far...
When I found out he was circumcised I called his mother and thanked her
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