There is no way he is gay with that hair.
Last night was epic. Hooked up with Emma Watson, found twenty bucks, and then passed out on my floor.
No you didn't. You drank unbelievable amounts of 151, passed out in someone else's bathroom, and we carried you back to your floor. Nice dreams though.
new hobby: convincing random sorority girls around campus that we hooked up last weekend. i'm 2 for 5.
I almost puked on my graduation application. perfect.
Your friend who drunkenly cleaned the kitchen just wished the class a Happy National Tutu Day. While wearing a tutu. Make a move or I'm gonna marry her.
I need a therapist, but moreover we are going to be really drunk.
Hooked up with a guy solely because he had a chameleon. Priorities.
You are the voice of reason. And I'm bringing wine. Like seriously this is his last chance. Don't touch me once, shame on you.. Don't touch me twice, shame on me
just found out that she named her cat after me.
First time for everything: started posting a Facebook comment, decided I'm not quite sober enough. Progress.
had a dream that i inhaled my pet bird and started choking. Then I tried smoking from a bong and suddenly I smoked myself inside out. this is what happens when I don't smoke weed. my brain can't function!
You know your acid trip is going well when the orange you're eating gives you a life lesson
I'm gonna fight the coyote
So was this before or after he cried about trump?
After
Have you ever had a pregnancy test laugh at you?
Randomize
