I'm wearing this super skanky ass dress that's wayyy to slutty for church but I think Jesus will appreciate it because i look so bangin for his bday.
your youtube search consisted of "food slideshow" and "the angry beavers"
every time i wear that dress i get kicked out of a bar.
i don't know at this point bringing the fog horn might be a good idea...
Ok see being that I'm not present or participating your vague texts "neeeeed that" and "vagina" leave a lot to question.
shes still here... layin in my bed watching a beyonce concert on tv drinking leftover franzia straight outta the bag and crying
Remember how I haven't seen my step sister in like 7 years? Pretty sure I just made out with her...
they still hired me even though my background check came back with a warrent for my arrest.
Please tell me I didn't help an old woman shave her vagina last night. Please.
That's the least of the fucked up shit you did last night dude.
Is it weird that the cop that arrested me called me twice to tell me that I left my ring at the police station
"Because this is an ongoing legal matter" is how his morning after sex text began. So...
I have a bottle of rum in my pocket...what does that say about me...
You come prepared
Puked in the trash can. Took a bite of someone's breadstick and kept dancing and drinking
I just had a mini meltdown cause I thought they forgot to put the cheese packet in my mac and cheese. I'm having an awful week.
how do you say “i know we haven’t hung out in a month, but i gave myself an amazing orgasm to your picture the other day” without coming on too strong
Randomize
