5 years of college and never once did they teach us how to respond when you overhear a group of 7th grade boys who are in your class talking about how you're definitely DTF
children are so perceptive these days... and horny
Yeah, I tried playing the "see how long he can stay inside of me" game.. And I lost.
A guy in a big stork costume just came to our meeting to give us condoms and t-shirts telling us not to get pregnant. Only at college
his dick is like his red hair, amazing but useless
Very hungover, bought a newspaper and found my shorts from last night in the machine.
I'm going to leave the fate of whether I go to my midterms up to my dealer hitting me up or not
Man when i saw they were the only ones hard core grinding to the Cha Cha slide against the wall, I knew they were gonna have sex tonight.
Blew a line and having a jolly rancher... the day is looking up.
It hurts to peel the glue off my chest and i keep finding glitter in my hair.
I just wanted to decorate you...
hanging out with you guys is like living the wikipedia entry for drugs...not sure i can handle that tonight.
All I can remember is posting my chicken burger in the post box. Postman is in for a treat.
no body wants to do anything today cause it's too cold, but a guy can only masturbate so many times a day. Ya know
also somebody did cough syrup and i was really worried but i couldn’t express why properly so i was like MACKLEMORE SAYS NO
So I couldn't find Leif..... He fell asleep in our closet upstairs trying to get changed into warmer clothes
This is the difference between me and him; he buys you flowers, I buy you a dildo
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