He came in looking for condoms, iced coffee, and a gas tank. I need to be where he's going.
you fucked my boyfriend. margarita girls night will not fix this.
Once two people had broken bones it had become a bulk hospital trip so we took the party bus
I don't think my body can handle the alcohol I want to put in it anymore.
No seriously stop! I feel bad for him. It isn't even big enough to make fun of. It's so small that it's like a disability.
She called me her guardian angel after I picked her phone up from the river of pee coming from her front porch.
I seriously just caught my Pina colada from falling of a table perfectly facing up. I will now reward myself by finishing this one and then getting my 8th
Had sex with him again...yikes. and the whole time he kept saying "i wish we could do this forever." Forever lasted about 45 seconds
My night can be summed up in 3 words: Vodka. Threesomes. Hospital.
You dropped my mother on the dance floor. She has a concussion. You didn't apologize. Don't speak to me for a while.
I found a video of us drunkenly yelling "we wanna be the Pope" as we passed around the blunt
how do i act around someone who's shoes i puked in while naked and blackout?
Not to be gross and awkward, but I just had sex outside in the rain on the hood of a lexus
I don't care how many things you caught on fire, it's still not as bad as doing coke and then filming yourself having sex.
There's a lady rapping at me about making healthy food choices. She lives in a refrigerator. This is not okay with me
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