can you please tell me why I'm bleeding so heavily from my ass and all my makeup is gone?
i hit her car. ill just send her a farmville gift in the morning. then it'll be alright.
theyre selling pepper spray in the courtyard. hellooo atl
Bring more bourbon. Day drunk just hit another level.
Now he's lighting his socks on fire
Just remembered getting lost in a "shortcut" through yards and GPSing my way home last night
I just set the shake weight record at the bar. 20 mins of that crap and drinking beer through a straw will get the job done. I also bet the bartender 100 bucks I could go shot for shot with him. The date for that event is TBA.
I just realized I'm trading you a pregnancy test for the morning after pill...
It's been a bad semester.
There's a homeless man outside the bar. I have a toothbrush and toothpaste in my car. I think i'm going to give them to him. And they said drinking is bad.
You're so thoughtful.
I said that I'm avoiding parties and guys, and the freshman girl just laughed
speaking of festive, i made out with a guy in a leaf pile last night. happy fall?
Let's put it this way, there's not many girls I wouldn't let sit on my face
Jesus I was next level high last night having a mental epiphany about the state of Virginia
She was hammered and showed her gay best mate a pic of my cock, his response was "I fucked the wrong brother"
On a side note apparently my brother is gay
A stripper set a mans ass on fire... the club smelled like burning ass and boxers.
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