Just so we both are on the same page, I have no solid plans as to where I'll be sleeping tonight.
I think the waitress doesn't beleive I have friends coming. I've had 4 drinks and a large salad just waiting for you guys.
I just jerked off and used a stopwatch to track my results. Pretty depressing on multiple fronts.
He was probably pissed, but i couldn't tell for sure. How pissed can someone really look while holding a fishbowl mimosa?
He took me by the hand and ordered me to make him vodka soup.. I think I like him?
I'm sure it was awkward. I've never had a professor expose parts of them to me before.
You gave the cab driver your pants as collateral while you ran in the house for money.
He sent me a picture of his ass and said the backdoor is open. Almost grabbed my keys and a condom before I saw it was a group text. Not nearly drunk enough for his desperation.
I passed out with my wizard stick taped to my hands and got woken up being poked with a St. Bernard
This is what my life has come to. Drinking champagne alone yelling at the dog because no one wants to hang out with me
everything in the house taste like gin even the water, friday nite was a success
why isn't there a kind of gay where i let guys give me head but they don't expect me to give it back? i could be that kind of gay
He was that good?
This guy on tinder just told me that he wanted to tie me up and asked me what I thought. I told him I wanted tacos
I just used a bag of jelly beans as an arm weight...I'm not sure what to think of myself
if I start to respond to these political texts with a middle finger emoji - do you think they will get the hint?
Randomize
