I just don't get it. Video games don't suck his dick.
Urine might work for jellyfish stings, but we found out it doesn't work well for nose bleeds...
found inexpensive tickets to Norway. Questioning if its legal. PLEASE tell me you remebered the walkie talkies and face paint.
I gave him shit for taking my sloppy seconds and when I woke up my eyebrow was gone
Welcome to drunk texts. Live from Margaritaville, it's Saturday night!!!
Had a dream I beat up niall then madeout with him while snorting coke out of a dragons egg
Just made a bong out of a pineapple. So yes.. And champagne is about to be popped
I just had some kinky fun in the back seat of my car behind a Ralph's in south county. How's your thanksgiving eve?
Also, I wish we had magnetic nipple rings and our boobs stuck together.
why did you put a dildo on the ceiling fan
the dildo had a suction cup and we had a ceiling fan what did you expect?
People like you and me aren't meant to go this long without having sex
I'm sitting on the couch playing the sims, how's ur night going?
I'm sitting on my floor, drinking wine, and listening to bette midlers "wind beneath my wings"
Why are our lives so predictable?
I realized my soar muscles form the shape of me leaning over a toilet
Im drunk taking pregnancy tests with this really hot girl...i dont know what is happening
You walked into the frat house and screamed "whose down to fuck" i think they were more intimidated than anything
Randomize
