I'm sorry for everything. i woke up with two citations stapled to my shirt.
ofcourse shes the first one pregnant. wasnt she the one who asked the middle school health teacher how many calories are in sperm?
he is so obsessed with the fact that he works at Apple
i know, its like he jerks off to steve jobs
she sang that "this little piggy song" to my balls. and somehow made it work, with me only having two balls instead of five.
He's been dancing to the same Rob Thomas album in his room for almost 8 hours now. Please never, ever bring extacy over here again.
I drank myself into bisexuality again.
I remember pointing out how smooth my legs were to try to direct his attention away from my vagina.
its the kind of pain that only someone with a fucking elephant on their head would understand. I'm never drinking again.
Great way to live...just blowing loads on upholstery
I was at a bus stop, eating a load of bread. Fairly sure I'm the poster child for poor students.
I just woke up to a ten minute voicemail of you sobbing about the X-Men. Stop getting drunk and watching Marvel movies.
BUT WOLVERINE IS SO TORMENTED AND JUST WANTS TO BE LOVED
He showed me his scar from his appendix surgery. It was educational and fun....
I came over to get dick...not to watch you vacuum....at 2 AM
And since we used to fuck you are absolutely obligated to like my tweets
I sent her a dick pic and used brett Favre's dick pick. She asked me why I had pictures of old men's dicks saved on my phone... I just can't win bro
Randomize
