Sorry, I have to go home and feed my nepotisms
Sorry, I can't talk, there's a herd of nepotisms headed my way
just got 3 freshman girls to makeout with each other at a toga party! score!
why is this not a picture message?!?!
I told him I'd give him a BJ if he admited Hanson was good.
Pretty sure that Albanian broad gave me something last night. Now we play the waiting game.
What's the proper amount of time to avoid my 76 year old neighbor that caught me with my pants down, peeing in my driveway at 5am?
Close. The correct answer is shitting in a public toilet. We also would have accepted the pit of despair.
I barely even remember him. He is just a distant beard in my past.
I woke up next to her boyfriend and she woke up next to mine....
This is like a fucked up game of musical chairs.
I ran into the bouncer who kicked me out of that beach bar a few months ago. I told him I'd only been thrown out of two other places since then. He was proud.
Remember don't think of it as being an alcoholic until something bad happens.
Think of it as Mythbusters for people who say you're going to get arrested or die
You just jumped of the couch and yelled "hidden tiger crouching dragon!" That's the answer to how you broke your finger.
And literally 4loko margaritas are callin my name. They're like "Hey girl come on over here I'll make you forget about grades and boys and it'll be a good idea to send everyone 55 snapchats of your cleavage" ok
Found like seven bruises in the shower. One was shaped like a hand. Best. Sex. Ever.
Just convinced the cute guy from class that I have prostate cancer. GET ME OUT OF THIS TOWN!
At least I’m an “essential employee” and can still bang my boss. \n\nFingers crossed my husband doesn’t ask why I’m essential, the orgasms are too good to give up during this pandemic
Randomize
