I don't think I can fit "I'm sorry for ruining Christmas" on one cake. Better make two.
I just fucked a rockette. This would have been amazing a week ago.
i realized our last day of finals is on cinco de mayo....it's god's way of saying drink ridiculous amounts of tequila and wear sombreros
So the dentist told me I couldn't suck on anything. She emphasized ANYthing.
i will be the first lesbian to ever fail women's studies.
Seius question. Does a penis floar when ina baht? Must find out.
This is how I ended up being the slutty friend isn't it?
A gay black guy with blonde hair and a gold tooth just told me he would shit on my face.
Now it's a party.
That is true. Vodka is like a dog. Always loyal, warm, and there for you when you need it
Dude. I realize why I got sick. 8 shots three beers in an hour. Plus I ate an expired lunchable earlier.
I also like to call Halloween "Mystery Fuck Day"
Well, if it gives you any indication, when I got there, there was already some dude passed out naked in the treehouse.
I should be rewarded with oreos for not turning into a raging cunt.
You were so drunk you told some dude your life story in one short sentence... and kissed his fiancé. You're invited to the wedding.
my dad just liked my status about my bowl being stolen even he feels my pain
Randomize
