its awkward enough using a urinal next to your dad but its worse finding out hes one of the guys who goes no hands and moans it out
I am SOOO high
tell me about your high
HUGE THUMBTACKS
TAKE DOWN THAT PHOTO OF ME IN THE NURSES COSTUME NOW.
Pretty much gone. He was in the backseat and kept whispering that his "toes felt like pigtails"
i am one more weekend without sex away from dosing him with viagra and locking ourselves into a closet.
thanks for being my moral compass. and thanks for not always pointing north so i can be slutty and not feel bad about it.
We're at the hospital. She got a head rush and fell and now blood everywhere. Smoke the rest, just save her a bowl
I went to look at my notes for my take home final and all I had written was 'you're on E. You won't remember a damn thing anyway.'
She had YOLO tattooed on her ass. Like, one cheek said YO, the other said LO. Even I can't handle that level of hot mess.
Wearing the same clothes for three days in a row and eating an entire two pound bag of jelly beans really has a way of making a person rethink their life...
He has a beach house and a Simba tattoo. Our wedding is next Tuesday, hope you're free.
Would it be creepy if I masturbated with my face in the pillow he slept on last night? Cuz I'm pretty sure that's about to happen
Dude there's ten thousand dollars worth of damage to the kids house and three thousand in stolen property and his dog is missing he is pissed
If I give him back his dog do you think he'll invite me to the next party
Have you ever gotten such awesome underwear you wish you didnt have to wear pants?
I made the antidote to the nasty cognac. I AM THE GOD OF MIXED DRINKS.
Randomize
