Why would I want to inherit a sex machine used by my grandma?
I just took a girl with a hip brace and crutches on a date. she obviously can't bone. is it rude to demand a blowjob?
you kept falling over in mid-conversation and you just got right back up as if nothing happened...
Is it appropriate to get drunk, stand up at the wedding and make a toast to "the time the lovely bride asked me to come on her chest"?
our generation is not ready to get married
You know its bad when convincing your mother you were masturbating is the better alternative
Sometimes I wonder why I hang out with you. And then you show up half naked at my door with a half gal of vodka, and I remember why.
He kept telling me how extraordinarily clean my ears were.
yeah, i found the sharpie that everyone use to sign my tits last night. its dead.
Dude I woke up in her bed wearing a top hat and bunny slippers and noticed one of us had pissed in bed. The last thing I wanted to ask for was a ride home
Only sluts go out in this weather carpe diem boys
I wonder if the fact that I'm listening to the theme from lion king gives my neighbors the impression that im tripping faceeeee
Apparently I was proudly showing him the cup I barfed pizza rolls into
When I die, I want you to spread my ashes at a Cracker Barrel.
Why does fireball set life on fire? Your insides, your head, your behavior...
Dude, you got arrested for trying to direct traffic with your dick....
Randomize
