It is pretty awful out and I still haven't put on pants yet.
what if I'm pregnant?
smusmorshion
i think my mom watched the whole time
I hope mine doesn't look like that
felt a little awkward waiting for my McNuggets after vomiting all over the counter
I've been practicing for you. Including stockpiling medical supplies for curing hangovers.
i honestly don't know why someone didn't cut me off after i broke the ceiling lamp with MY HEAD
She told me my pubes were as soft as "fine wool"
Dude, you passed out sitting straight up AND in mid sentence last night
I told her the only thing I had going for me was my huge cock. She said she was willing to overlook my other shortcomings.
it is a dangerous dangerous place where morals and dignity go to die and all your fantasies about men become reality.
If I hid at school to avoid the cops, is it fleeing and evading or just being a good student?
sweating bourbon at client mtg -- you?
Pretty sure the delivery guy saw me taking a shit this morning
That's good. So do you know why there is a giant pile of old tires in the laundry room and kitchen?
Well we knew you needed some tires, found someone on the way home who was giving them away and took them all. Has to be 4 in there you can use.
Randomize
