Yeh xou jao i ama wa7tdud !!
Oh my god. its not even twelve thirty and you are useless.
If a girl is wearing Ed Hardy from head to toe, does that make her a douchebagette?
I feel dirty and I went home alone. Bars should be like airlines and make fat girls pay double for everything.
I thought we agreed I wasn't a screamer?
Every time I remember you're bi, the world gets a little brighter.
Was waiting for the adderal to kick in then realized I had been brushing my teeth for eighteen minuites
Who cheats on Christmas eve? It's just asking for Jesus to hate you
mary just dropped the yahtzee dice in her wine. and shes throwin em like shes on a craps table.
hahahaha slap the bag.
I just tipped the cab driver with pistachio nuts. And he loved it.
It's that moment where you find out the girl you've been dating for 6 months is a mob daughter. Post breakup.
You know you are 86'd from the legacy right? You can't down shots then spike the shot glass
I told the person I was on the phone with to hold on while I looked for my phone. I think it's time to stop doing dabs.
Yeah, I'm sure we have time for sex AND ihop.
Tell me why i have 60 matches in 72 hours on tinder. Can i sell my tinder account like people used to sell their myspace pages and tumblrs when they had a lot of followers? Is that a thing?
Don't get into any trouble on your trip
The only foreseeable trouble would be pregnancy, but I gotta be sterile otherwise I'm beating some pretty fucking incredible odds
Randomize