You even been so high breaking up weed with your fingers feels like surgery?
threw up in my backpack again. Asian guy I cheat from wasn't pleased.
I guess we had a small kitchen fire somehow when we decided to bake fruitroll ups and croutons...
we may have ended up at a gay bar on accident. we're gonna work this to get free drinks.
you can't just make up for the fact that you broke up with me by tagging yourelf in my embarrassing facebook videos of you
It's a bathroom floor kind of morning.
Does it count if I'm only ambidextrous while masturbating?
Hey I have your shoes. Do you remember shouting "Police brutality!" when the bouncer was kicking you out last night?
Don't make it weird, I don't think about you when I'm climaxing, it's just that I see you rooting me on.
Bro she gave me the stare. It's like she boned me with her eyes. I'm going in.
It's gonna be one of those someone is getting divorced parties
Nothing says "forever alone" like receiving a friendship bracelet from your parents.
I spent half my night explaining that i'm in an open relationship to the guys that I liked, and the other half of the night explaining that I have a boyfriend to the guys that I didn't like.
Been using bowl smoking as a method of time for so long I don't know how long it actually takes to get to work
Before making travel and hotel reservations to meet your "affair" for the first time, consult your menstrual calendar! $633 wasted!
Randomize
