By the end of the second bowl I was making sound effects to every hand movement he made.
I just made friends with the guy at the coffee shop in borders. And by that I mean he stared at me until I was uncomfortable and left.
you tried to do a keg stand and ended up flipping over it and onto the table
this episode of spongebob makes me wish crabby patties were real
Stuck in the Dallas airport. At the bar. Everytime a flight to DC gets cancelled, I'm takin a shot. Fuck you snow.
didn't have any spoons so I beer bonged my chicken noodle soup. I fucking love camping.
Theme for your birthday? Beer olympics in S&M costumes? Sounds like a nice little saturday
He crawled over to me grabbed my boob asked me if I liked cats and then passed out. If that's really my RA, it's gonna be a long year
I'm watching my cat lick a used condom wrapper on my nightstand and I'm too hungover to move and do anything about it. Tequila Tuesdays can not be a thing.
She wants to go furniture shopping for memorial day so we've gotta go portable
thermos full of jaeger bombs?
Affirmative
See! Theres potential!
Oh yeah. All good relationships start with a threesome.
all i want in life is a shot and a cock is that too much to ask
Just a couple of adults talking about cum shots at 8am on presidents day
You left me a really long voicemail saying, "Hey, it's meeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee." and then the rest is just loud laughter
Omfg I just White Claw shamed a Girl Scout Cookie mom and I feel SO BAD.
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