if i had a dollar for every time ive had to piece a night together like they did in "the hangover", i bet i could outsell their weekend box office earnings...
No it only became awkward when she walked in with her new boyfriend and we realized we'd all banged her
after last night i think it would be a good idea if i wrote a will... you know, just in case.
ONE NIGHT STAND. You have 27 minutes before the offer expires, so I suggest you hurry.
Hi. I probably already told you this mid puke, but thanks again for babysitting me last night. How did I get in the car?
Judging by the crutches in the living room I take it you two are fine and we aren't going out tonight?
I tried to take a photo for proof but couldn't hold my penis, camera, and measuring tape all at the same time.
Gong!
YOU'RE MARRIED NOW YOU CAN'T KEEP GONGING ME WHEN YOU GET LAID IT DOESN'T COUNT
That is the best grammar in a dirty text ever. Excellent use of the semi-colon. And yes; I am hard.
I also love beards. The playoffs are like christmas for my vagina.
This time last year I was crying in a church parking lot without shoes or a bra, so the years can only go up from here
Let's put it this way, there's not many girls I wouldn't let sit on my face
Turns out he's actually a she. Might keep dating her just to see Mom's reaction.
Hey what are you up to?
I am wear the people with the mustaches live. I have found their home.
DUDE, WE BOUGHT THE ACID TOGETHER.
I'm legitimately the first person in the United States to successfully shave their balls with a Razer Blade of a sword and fully admitt it. I'm honestly smoother then a 10 year old.
Randomize
