my mario cart skills improve with alchohol. and i think my real car skills do to but the cop didnt see my logic
She went from zero to smokin in five shots
I'm so horny
I have no idea who this is, but I'm up for a lecture on self-respect
He's only a freshman and he needs to expirence shit like that..
YOU would be the Freshman Expirence
The problem with that is that my car has been stolen
I ran into my parents house and stole a bottle of vodka last night...Apparently left them a note that read "DRUNK. TOOK VODKA. BRING MORE."
I was trying to remember why my knees hurt then I remembered I was twerking on the countertops.
You'll be happy to know that the bruise is gone from my cock
Is there a lightning bolt coming out of your boner right now?!
you were on a whole other level. you went home with him because he said "you got some light ass eyes"
Why the fuck am I at this dorm meeting? I don't pay $50,000 a year to stay sober.
there is a tent in the living room. its a vip tent room. i want in.
She told me I’m a “stunt cock.” I’m okay with that
Just fucked my ex's brother. It is clear I dated the wrong one. Is it wrong for me to continue to fuck this one?
I'm so gassy and it's your fault.
Randomize
