I have said "that's the wrong hole" for the last time.
I don't llike drinking between sober and blackout. Its boring.
I like you better when you drink
I like you better when I drink too
he said "cool" when i took off my bra and proceeded to stare wideeyed at them the ENTIRE time. it was like sleeping with the kid i showed my boobs to for the first time in 6th grade.
This is a pre-sorry for hitting on and then sleeping with you're ex
Since i didn't have a condom I told him to use jump ship method, I think I was overly invested in my sailor costume this year.
That is true. Vodka is like a dog. Always loyal, warm, and there for you when you need it
Best compliment ever: Being told that you really understand sex by a professional. After she gave you a HANDJOB.
It was all going fine until I had to chug that strawberita bud light. That really ended badly.
That time we were having sex when you were super drunk, I kept yelling out, "Oh God," and you said, "You're going to need him after this." Idk why I suddenly thought of that.
Not as great as when your drunk mom grabbed my junk, but better than when your sober grandma sacktapped me and grabbed my butt.
Think of it as a business transaction. That's how I justify all the horrible things I do. Blow my married boss? Just a business transaction.
The drive thru lady at McDonald's asked how I was and I responded by opening the car door and throwing up all over the drive thru lane. Happy Sunday.
Hey do you remember me?
You were a giant banana.... how could I forget.
I feel like i'm being yelled at when you type in all caps.Did you just have bad sex?
Randomize
