Should I be offended if he asked if he could use saran wrap to eat me out?
you know it is a bad morning when you forget to brush your teeth and eat old gas x in your car because its minty...
My cousin just told me i smelled good. She must like the smell of cum.
whore
She punched my vomit. In midair. Back into my mouth.
he tried to make a toast, but hit the moving ceiling fan with his beer instead
I legitimately sent him a storybook of naked pictures.
Also, I just saw a woman change into her stripper outfit in the bathroom at Target.
He's going to regret telling me he doesn't care if i shave or not...
I have no idea what's going on.... I just want to wear my horse sweatshirt and drink vodka.
Dude you took some guys glasses off his face and ran out of the bar
Nothing makes me happier than finding out someone else is pregnant and it's not you.
i actually texted him "nice to see you" but then there was a saved draft "i think about you when i get off." dodged that bullet...
whatever bro. i had ice cream and whiskey for breakfast and its noon. this is the second worst christmas ever.
As she came, she moaned Roll Tide. I kid you not.
I'll give you one guess. It has a cock and I want it
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