so i asked him why he doesn't wanna see me anymore and he said he was questioning his sexuality. cool.
I'm pretty sure we've had sex a bunch more times than we've hugged. So hugs are weird when they happen.
My freaking DENTIST just commented on my hickies. Through the novacaine I managed to mumble 'It was my birthday' and she smiled knowingly.
moving back to school this early was a terrible idea we already used up our bail fund
I knew as soon as I saw that pole that I was going to wake up the next morning with bruises.
I'm still in shock that he came by my house for five minutes dropped off a Teddy bear and went to the strip club on valentines day
I don't know if I should be scared or excited that I can officially drink vodka on the rocks like it's 7up.
i have two emotions: emotionless and blind with rage
If I remember correctly I tried to steal a mail truck last night
I mean, I already saw his dick in person and wasn't impressed so why is he sending me a picture of it, anyway? I hate re-runs!
I woke up with sticky red stuff all over my sheets, face, and chest. Apparently after I blacked out I thought eating ribs in bed was a good idea
You're a FUCKING ASSHOLE. Love mom
the cop found his r2d2 bong and asked me if i ever smoked out of him. i'm like, no sir. he's like ahh. if i were to smoke, it'd definitely be out of some star wars character.
easily made my night.
Just got back to the apartment. Why os there now 14 identical toothbrushes in the bathroom and only the two of us live here?
And I’m prepared, because I'm in it to win it (and by win I mean get railed hard)
Randomize
